


The Rave

by antioedipus



Series: Wild World [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: F/M, Gen, Hayate and Yuugao and Tenzou are underage and use drugs in this, Kakashi and Guy and Ibiki are hanging out in the background, Messy, Rare Pairings, Rave, Recreational Drug Use, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-11
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-17 07:41:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 25,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29346789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/antioedipus/pseuds/antioedipus
Summary: Kurenai and Raidou have a fight, Shizune and Asuma end up in a supply closet, Aoba makes a big mistake and tries to save the day (and fails).“Have you ever thought that it’s insane that you all just take the drugs we give you, and this is the first time anyone has asked us about the quality?” Aoba asks."
Relationships: Gekkou Hayate/Uzuki Yuugao, Mitarashi Anko & Yamashiro Aoba, Namiashi Raidou/Yuuhi Kurenai, Sarutobi Asuma/Shizune, Shiranui Genma & Yuuhi Kurenai, Uzuki Yuugao & Yamato | Tenzou
Series: Wild World [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2208864
Comments: 22
Kudos: 6





	1. Part I

“Nothin’ unwanted”

Kid Cudi, “Father Stretch My Hands, Pt 1”

Shizune sits in her teenage bedroom, looking at herself in the mirror. She’s wearing a glittery, beaded black dress. It’s a slip, and the back dips below her shoulder blades. It’s the kind of dress you wear to get someone to want to take it off. She’s twenty-two, but she already feels old. Her parents went on vacation, and she came back here to housesit and take care of the cats.

The room hasn’t changed since she was thirteen. The walls are baby pink, and she still has a white wrought iron bedframe and soft, flannel sheets. There is a big picture of a horse above her bed, and her stuffed bunny is on her pillow. Her comforter is purple, and her desk has a vanity mirror. There are makeup brushes and pens in a cup in the corner, jewelry in two saucers, a few notebooks and, right now, all her makeup. Foundation, concealer, blush, mascara, lip balm (she doesn’t own nor does she believe in lipstick) and highlighter. She hasn’t even put most of it on. She just likes the ritual of taking it all out.

Between that and the butterflies on her curtains, Shizune feels like an alien in her own bedroom. She’s not a happy little girl anymore. Genma flipped through one of the fashion magazines Kurenai would buy her when they were seventeen. He and Asuma have done several of the quizzes while she’s been getting ready. They didn’t even bat an eye when she said she had to change. Genma just turned around to look out the window while Asuma turned to face the corner of her room. It made her feel completely undesirable, even though she doesn’t want them to be the kind of guys who wouldn’t turn their backs.

She feels washed up. When she’s with Tsunade, she never has time to date, and when she’s back here, she’s in her childhood home, catching up with her friends. _I’m too young to feel so…sexless_. Shizune leans forward into the mirror, inspecting her pores. It strikes her that she has never even looked at her vagina in the mirror. She masturbates with a vibrator when she’s at home, and she uses her hand on the road, but she has never thought to look and see what she looks like down there.

Shizune sits back in her chair, looking at herself. She feels very plain, and her chest is kind of flat, compared to Kurenai and Anko. She tucks her hair behind her ears, and makes a face at Genma, who is watching her in the mirror. He is sitting on her bed, sipping a beer, while Asuma is looking at her bookshelf, a cigarette tucked behind his ear.

“What’re you looking at?” she asks.

“You,” Genma replies, “what’s taking you so long?” Shizune turns around and glares at him.

“I want to look nice,” she says.

“We’re going to a rave,” he replies, “you don’t need to wear anything nice.” Genma is wearing a tank top with his uniform pants. Asuma is pretty much wearing the same thing.

“So? I want to look nice for me!” She turns her head and frowns at her reflection.

“You already look nice,” Asuma says, looking over. Shizune’s haircut shows off her neck, and she’s not all long limbs and big eyes anymore. He noticed when she lit an incense match and placed it in a ceramic dish on her dresser.

“Thanks,” Shizune says in a flat voice. She’s already curled her eyelashes and applied mascara. Picking up a tube of blush, she unscrews the cap and squeezes some onto her fingers, before rubbing it into the apples of her cheeks. Genma and Asuma watch her, the former, because there is nothing better to do and the latter because, well, they’ve both been away for a while and he can admit that she’s grown up. “When do you think Kurenai and Raidou will get here?”

“They’ll probably be late,” Genma says, “they’re always late, if they’re supposed to show up somewhere together.” Shizune frowns. It must be nice to have male companionship. Kurenai complains about Raidou not being her boyfriend but being too good at sex to dump, and Shizune can’t say that she relates. Even Anko has someone; she has Aoba as a life partner and gets sex from outside their relationship. If a guy sucks in bed, she can just get another one, and she always has Aoba to hang out with.

Shizune is too busy babysitting Tsunade to meet anyone, and people like Genma and Asuma don’t really count. They don’t love her like Raidou and Aoba love Kurenai and Anko. Kurenai complains that Raidou won’t make it official and Anko sometimes calls Aoba a clingy baby, but Shizune has never had a man look at her like she is the Sun. It hurts even more that Aoba and Anko are just best friends; Shizune can’t even get a man to want to be best friends with her, let alone have sex with her.

“Whatever,” she mutters, looking through the earrings in the dish on her table.

“You’re so moody,” Genma says, “you’re not yourself.”

“I’m just tired,” she says. And bored, and very, very horny.

“You don’t have to go if you don’t want to come,” Asuma looks back at the shelf. Shizune has a lot of books, many about medicine, anatomy.

“No, I want to go,” she says, giving up on earrings. She pushes the chair back and stands up, “I never get to hang out with everybody.” She walks over to her bedside table, picking up her beer and taking a sip.

“You seem pretty over it,” Genma says, “you’re making a Raidou face.”

“I’d say you look grumpier,” Asuma says.

“Well, after spending a few hours with you two, I completely sympathize with him,” Shizune says. Choosing to ignore her, Asuma touches a porcelain pony—it’s a pretty tawny color, like honey. He’s never been in Shizune’s room before.

“I didn’t know you that like horses,” Asuma says.

“They have pretty eyes,” she says, setting her beer down. Asuma bobs his head, tucking that fact away in the back of his brain. Genma looks between the two of them and realizes a) Asuma doesn’t give a shit about horses and b) Shizune hasn’t realized that he has an angle. He wishes Aoba or Raidou were here, so he could nudge at them and point at Shizune and Asuma. “Do you think we have time for a second beer?”

“Oh, we have time for at least three,” Genma says. Shizune sighs.

“Then we should probably eat something,” she says, “follow me to the kitchen.” Shizune picks up her beer and walks out of her bedroom. Genma stands up and sips his own beer.

“Asuma, you’re not subtle,” he says. Asuma shrugs.

“She didn’t notice,” he replies, following Shizune out of the room. Genma rolls his eyes and gets off the bed, following them.

**

Kurenai is sitting on her bed, watching Raidou brush his teeth. She’s done her makeup, save for her lipstick, and she’s having a good hair day, but she’s in a mood. She’s had a perfect day, which annoys her even more, because she has no right to be in a bad mood. She got the perfect amount of sleep, had breakfast with Shizune and Anko, then she cleaned her entire room, and then Raidou came and took her on all of his errands. Genma made fun of her dress, and she didn’t even blink, that’s how good her day has been.

And now, Raidou has gone and ruined it. He is completely naked, wet from his shower, brushing his teeth while looking out her window. Kurenai bites her lower lip, crossing her arms. He turns around and swallows his toothpaste when he sees the look on her face.

“You just swallowed your toothpaste,” she says.

“You should see the look on your face,” he replies, walking over to the bathroom. It strikes Kurenai that he is so comfortable with her that he’ll just hang out with her naked, no agenda or anything. She’s never been loved like this before. It makes her feel like she’s in a real, adult relationship which just infuriates her more, because Raidou is pretty much perfect yet he refuses to be called her boyfriend. Or, more precisely, he is completely fine with exclusivity and being in love with her, but he wrinkles his nose when she calls him her boyfriend.

“What’s the look on my face?” she asks.

“You look annoyed with me,” he says rinsing his toothbrush.

“Of course, I’m annoyed,” she says, “I had a perfect day!” Raidou’s chest heaves once, his laugh coming out like a wheezy exhale.

“Well, if your day was so perfect…” he trails off. Kurenai frowns at the silence.

“I want you to be my boyfriend,” Kurenai says, standing up and walking to the bathroom

“There’s no one else,” Raidou replies. Never anyone else. She’s the only girl he sees.

“So why not?” Kurenai says, putting her hands on her hips.

“I don’t believe in labels,” he replies, setting his toothbrush down on the counter. Kurenai steps up to him, arms crossed.

“But you believe in exclusivity and having sex without condoms and love? You’re basically, already my boyfriend.” Kurenai changes her tone, shifting her posture into something softer. Raidou raises an eyebrow, finding this amusing. “It would make my day better,” she says in a sweeter voice. She finds begging embarrassing, but here she is.

“You can’t surpass perfect,” he says, tucking her hair behind her ear, head tilted. He is smiling softly, and it makes Kurenai feel melted on the inside. It’s not fair, how he makes her feel. She just wants to know that he’s as desperate for her as she is for him; she thinks labels would be a good start.

“I just want to know that you want me like I want you,” she says.

“You think calling me your boyfriend adequately expresses that?” he asks. As far as Raidou is concerned, there isn’t a word for what they are. Any asshole could fall in love with Kurenai; she’s brave, funny, caring. But Raidou is convinced that his feelings are different, something more primeval. They come straight from his guts, and there is nothing particularly noble or poetic about them.

He just feels very intensely when he thinks of Kurenai. He doesn’t think it’s the way boyfriends feel about their girlfriends. It’s not possessive, or obsessive. It’s just very intense. Like he wants to protect her and spend all his time with her. Like he feels perfect, whenever she looks at him. There’s no crash when she isn’t with him; it’s just being with her, even when she’s kind of pissing him off, like now, makes him feel perfect and warm. Like, here she is, thinking about giving him a hard time, and he would still gladly tuck her cold fingers into his armpits to warm them up.

Kurenai stands there, arms crossed, deciding to see what silence gets her. Raidou moves his thumb to her mouth, pressing it into her lower lip. “There are infinitely more mutually rewarding ways for me to show you how much I want you,” he says, watching Kurenai take his thumb into her mouth. Raidou makes a soft noise in his throat, as Kurenai releases his thumb and, taking his hand in hers, kisses his palm. She had fully intended on being mad at him, but anger easily gives in to lust, when it comes to Raidou. “We don’t have much time,” he says, eyeing the clock on the wall. “We need to meet Genma, Asuma and Shizune in half an hour.”

“Fuck ‘em,” Kurenai says, wrapping her arms around his waist.

“Kuren _ai_ ,” he says, dragging out the last syllable, “Genma—.”

“Genma can wait,” Kurenai says, “they can all wait.” Saying that last part softly, she grins when Raidou’s hands creep up her dress to cup her ass, and she’s ready when he kisses her.

“You won’t have time to change,” he says, and Kurenai sighs.

“I don’t care.”

“Remember that when you think about complaining about your dress,” he says this to her neck. She makes a soft noise, instead of answering, which means he’ll be hearing about this later, but he doesn’t mind, not really. He likes it when Kurenai bitches him out; she doesn’t do it often and he usually kinda deserves it. They each do their part to make the other feel crazy.

Yes, Raidou is keenly aware that he is being a dick right now. Knowing this doesn’t make him want to change, however, he thinks self-awareness is better than nothing.

They stumble back, out of the bathroom, mouths and hands everywhere, until Kurenai anchors her feet, leaning up to kiss him. Like that, they slow down, as Raidou puts his hands on her face and kisses her deeper, first. When he pulls away, Kurenai sighs loudly, smiling at him.

“I’m still mad,” she says sweetly.

“I expect no less,” he replies, resting his forehead against hers.

“We’re going to talk about it after,” she says, looking up into his eyes, “but right now, I just want you to make us late.”

“Me?” he asks, “you’re the one asking for sex.”

“Yeah, but you’re the one who is going to give it,” she says, “and you always give it good.”

“You are such a—.”

“Pervert?” Kurenai asks, wrapping her arms around him. She looks hopeful and sounds excited, humming.

“You are the only girl on this planet who wants to be called a perv,” he sighs, before kissing her softly. Kurenai smiles into his mouth, not bothering to answer. Her mouth has been all over him and he’s had her in every way. As his tongue slips into her mouth, her hand reaches down, down to take his penis in her hand. He groans a little, making her smile even bigger.

“You like your girls perverted,” she says, both knowing it’s true. He will never settle for less than a girl who tells him that she wants them to cut up their palms and lick up each other’s blood, or who tells him that her throat locks up when she thinks of his dick, or (and this is his favorite) that she wishes that they were both liquid and could melt into a puddle together.

“I really like this one girl,” he says, “who happens to be a massive pervert.” She doesn’t say anything, deciding to stroke his dick instead. Raidou kisses her deep, and says ‘bed’ right into her mouth, walking her back, before she sits on the edge, looking up at him. _You have the prettiest mouth_. Raidou has never seen a girl with a nicer mouth than Kurenai. A defined cupid’s bow and full bottom lip, the prettiest shade of pink. She wears lipstick all the time, so it feels like a secret, knowing that her lips are the delicate pink found on the inside of seashells. He bends at the waist and kisses her, in an adoring sort of way, on the forehead, the nose, and then the point of her chin. He’s so in love, it almost hurts.

Kurenai blushes as Raidou adores her. His kisses are chaste, soft, and while they’ve been doing this for years, Kurenai is still taken by surprise when his tenderness manifests and he kisses her in a way that is full of desire but without the urgency of lust. No one ever prepares a girl to expect adoration—when she was younger, Kurenai was warned that boys only want one thing. Her adolescent flings had proven that to be the rule, and then she had sex with Raidou, and experienced male tenderness. There are a lot of reasons she stays, even though he resists being referred to as her boyfriend; they love each other, he’s funny and kind, handy around the house. But his tenderness is something that she isn’t and never will be prepared to go without. She thinks this as Raidou kisses her cheek, before pulling away, and assuming the position between her legs.

At the age of twenty-six, he’s officially on the wrong side of his twenties and thirty looms over his head, but when it’s just the two of them, Raidou finds it very easy to forget about his own mortality or the way that lives tend to be cut short around here. Kurenai makes him feel very expansive. He once told Aoba, while they were both stoned, completely unprompted, that having sex with Kurenai has expanded his consciousness more than any of the drugs they’ve tried. _It’s hard to explain, it’s like I’m inside the universe itself, even though I am, already, in the universe—like, with her, I feel like we are making a universe_. Aoba confessed that he’s never consumed a drug that felt better than hanging out with Anko. Raw intimacy, in all its forms, cannot be beat. He and Aoba both agree that, out of their friends, the two of them are the only ones who have experienced it, that big, soaring feeling when someone looks at you and makes you feel completely naked and seen, protected, understood and cared for.

Raidou sets his hands on her thighs, looking up at her with…everything inside of him. He refuses to be her boyfriend, but, in exchange, he gives her everything. It makes Kurenai’s tummy drop and her resolve turn to goo.

“I’m a chump,” she says softly, lifting her dress up over her hips.

“What?” he asks, watching her lift her hips to pull her underwear off, before he pulls it off of her legs. It’s red lace, the kind of underwear she wears for him.

“Because this always happens when I try to talk about our relationship,” she sighs, opening her legs. Raidou chooses to remain silent, kissing the inside of her thigh. Kurenai hums, knowing that he won’t give her a straight response. No, when faced with this kind of problem, Raidou prefers to remain silent. “You are…” she trails off as his mouth comes closer and closer, and she hitches her breath.

“Yes?” he asks, his mouth right in front of her. She can feel his hot breath on her vagina, and Kurenai very much likes it. She’ll ask Anko and Shizune if they’ve ever had a man turn them on just by breathing on their vaginas. _Probably not_. Kurenai readily admits to being a chump when it comes to Raidou.

“You know,” she sighs, her nipples feeling ache-y and her hips twitchy. Like, her whole body is restless, waiting to welcome him back home.

“I really don’t know,” he replies, using his thumb to trace a familiar circle around her clit. She sits back on her hands, opening up. Her tacky dress, a thin slip adorned with the American flag, is relaxed and loose fitting. It’s sexier than her other clothes because it is such an unassuming item of clothing. Kurenai threw it on without thinking, which just goes to show that she doesn’t fully grasp that it’s much sexier for her to be dishevelled and relaxed than when she is put together. He’s never told her this, since he thinks her make up and clothing are meant to be armor. It’d just make her feel self-conscious, to know that he likes her this way; it’s better for the both of them that he doesn’t tell her.

Kurenai tilts her head, making her hair fall behind her. He decides to put his mouth to her before she answers. He doesn’t need to know, not really, not when she’s told him many, many times. Raidou’s mouth is already familiar with her, but that familiarity doesn’t kill their desire for each other. She’d even say that intimacy only gets better with time. Kurenai can’t picture them falling into apathy the way her parents did; no, she’s determined to always be a little bit in love with him, come hell or high water.

Her foot flexes when she feels his tongue slip inside of her, and she pushes herself into his face. He is doing her the way she likes, which is to say, that he’s making her feel completely melted, leaving her nerves raw and aroused. It’s like she’s being pushed up, and she knows that when she comes, he’s just going to find a way to push her further. It’s not licking or stroking that does it today; no, it is sucking, the kind that makes it feel like all of her blood is rushing to her clit and his mouth. She shrieks a little, and she watches her face twist in the mirror while he keeps sucking. When she finishes riding it out, he presses his thumb to her clit and looks up at her.

“What?” she pants. Her second orgasm is already sparking up inside of her.

“I want you to say something crazy,” he smiles as she realizes that the glossy shine on his lips came from her body.

“Crazy is an ableist term,” she hums, “don’t you know?” Raidou shrugs her correction off.

“Okay, say something wild.”

“Wild?” she asks, her voice going a little too high when he hits the right spot at the perfect speed.

“Like how much you love me,” he smirks, looking up at her pink face. She’s struggling to keep her mouth closed, and if she told him that she was going to spit in his mouth, he’d swallow it without hesitation. That wouldn’t even come close to the kinkiest thing they’ve ever done.

Kurenai’s hands bunch into fists, because she thinks her love for him is 100% logical and coherent. It’s big and overwhelming, but it isn’t _wild_. She’s also still sore about not being his girlfriend, and one good orgasm isn’t going to change that. “Love you?” she asks, “who says I love you?” It’s dangerous, saying something like that when she’s so close, but life is nothing without a little danger.

Raidou grins up at her, accepting the terms of this game. “I’ll stop.” Kurenai’s eyes flash, and Raidou doesn’t stop smiling.

“You wouldn’t dare,” she moans, “you love me too much to stop.” Raidou adds his mouth, making Kurenai sigh, like, yes, _yes_ —and then he pulls away, smiling, like a complete asshole. Her right nipple aches, and it only adds to her irritation.

“I love you as much as you love me,” he hums, “all I need to know is how much that is.”

“Raid _ou_ ,” she says, his name coming out differently when her whine becomes a moan.

“Just tell me how much,” he says gently, adding his other hand.

“I am going to kill you, if you stop,” she says, looking down at him, her expression lustful.

“It doesn’t have to come to that,” he says, putting his mouth to her again.

In a moment that only proves their connection, Raidou moves a hand up to touch her breast and trace a circle around her right nipple, without her asking. Kurenai closes her eyes. “Fuck, Raid _ou_ ,” she sighs, “I love you so much, it fucking _hurts_.” Orgasm number two promises to be a little painful; like, her body is going to grow completely rigid and then relax and that in-between stage, when her blood rushes back to the rest of her body, is going to sting. But that pain only makes her want it more. She wants Raidou to suck her raw, clean off the bone. _Leave only my skeleton behind_. He wouldn’t even blink, he’d just tell her to do the same to him. They can be a pile of bones and goo together. It’s that thought that sends her over the edge, and her orgasm climbs straight up her spine to her brain. It’s stupefying.

Raidou loses himself in her, and he doesn’t realize it’s over until she squirms away from him, sensitive and panting. He looks up at her, blinking, his hands on her hips.

“Are you okay?” he asks.

“It hurt good,” she says breathily, “real good.” A petty part of her hates him for her orgasms, but that hatred has absolutely nothing on the intensity of her lust and the infinitude of her love for him. Raidou nods, sitting on the bed beside her. Kurenai feels her vagina twitch when she sees his erection, and she wastes no time kissing him, climbing onto his lap, opening herself so that he can come up from below.

His hands are on her hips as she rolls to meet his thrusts, and for a few minutes, they just stare into each other’s eyes, breathing on each other. Kurenai presses her lips to his jaw, his chin, while he groans out loud, his hands moving up, to press his palms into her back. She is chasing both of their orgasms down, and Raidou doesn’t want it to end, but he also doesn’t want to think about how late they are. He moves up and through her, slowing her down, hitting her right where it hurts, in the best way possible. It offends her, a little, at how good this feels.

“You have no right to fuck me like this,” she says, nonetheless, letting him fuck her.

“Oh?” he asks, “how am I fucking you?”

“Like you’re my boyfriend or husband and trying to put a baby in me,” she says, rolling her hips extra slow so that he strokes the front wall. Lesser men would sputter, but Raidou just smiles. He places a hand on her throat, his thumb stroking right over to her carotid.

“We can’t have sex this good and raw if I’m your boyfriend or husband,” he says, choosing to leave the issue of children up in the air. They have sex without condoms, and even though she is on the pill, there is always a chance that it won’t work. He’s already decided that he will step up however she would need him to; he doesn’t care what his future looks like, as long as he is beside her.

“Liar,” she replies, leaning forward to kiss him. His hands find her hips again, and he takes control of the pace, while Kurenai moans into his mouth. She’s in big, nasty, soul love with him and, as far as she is concerned, the door is always open for him to swim in her guts; he can do whatever he’d like to her, and she’ll love every second of it. She pulls back and puts a hand on his cheek, looking right into his eyes in adoration. Rather than make him feel complete, it just makes him feel needier.

“Tell me how much you love me,” he says, without the mischief from earlier. Kurenai is offended that this is even a question, but she also knows that Raidou’s self-loathing is a creature she very rarely gets the chance to address directly.

“Tell me first,” she says quietly, looking him right in the eye. He moves up, strong and certain, and strokes the exact, right spot inside of Kurenai, making her see stars. Raidou looks serious too, because he isn’t very articulate, and he thinks he is better at showing rather than telling. “That’s not an answer,” she moans, running her fingers through his hair. The straps of her dress have fallen off of her shoulders, and he presses his mouth to her shoulder, thinking.

“I love you so much,” he says, “I feel like we’re making a universe.” Kurenai actually bounces a little, something that Raidou finds amusing but the way it feels makes him groan out loud. She’s grinning, because she really and truly feels the same.

“I love you so much,” she sighs, “that there aren’t any words.”

“None?” he asks, kissing her throat.

“Zero,” she sighs, “you fuck me so well, we don’t need any.” Raidou doesn’t respond, but he does get down to the business of chasing the end. Kurenai keeps rolling with him, moaning to encourage him, saying his name when he brings them close, and cursing when he comes home, and she sees white behind her eyelids. It’s Kurenai who bites his shoulder, and he’s the one who opens up, pulling her down on top of him.

They breathe on each other for a moment, Raidou’s eyes closed and Kurenai’s wide open. She sits up first, looking down at Raidou, seeing the moment his eyes open and he smiles, his real, soft one, because he opened his eyes to see her on top of him. Kurenai smiles gently as well, and there is a soft moment that passes between them, before Raidou turns his head and looks at the clock.

“Shit,” he says softly, “we’re really late.”

“How late?” she asks, turning to look at the clock.

“Like, you only have time to put on underwear and you have to put your lipstick on in the car late.” Kurenai moves off of him, and Raidou winces when they part. He immediately gets up and walks to the clothes he left piled on the chair. Kurenai throws him her deodorant without him asking, and while he gets dressed, she figures out a strategic way to tell Shizune, over text, that Raidou fucked an entirely new universe into being, inside of her. She ends up just saying that, before following Raidou out the door.

**

Yuugao stands in the bathroom, shirtless, braless, staring at her right nipple. She got an illegal piercing in Kiri last week. She frowns at the little bit of crust on the barbell, before taking a shot glass of salt water and leaning over, pressing the glass to her breast, over her nipple, holding it to her body as she stands up straight, submerging the piercing. It stings a little, but she doesn’t mind. She did it to prove to Hayate that, at the age of sixteen, she’s an adult. He told her that she didn’t need to prove anything to him—he’s seventeen, and he too, still lives with his parents.

Her parents are out tonight, so, after they go to the rave, they are going to come back here and fool around. Yuugao smiles to herself. She and Hayate only just started having sex. While she hasn’t yet orgasmed, it feels nice to have him inside of her. When his forehead is pressed to hers, and she looks up into his eyes, Yuugao feels impossibly warm and bright. If it feels so good being close to him, she can’t imagine how good it will feel when they finally figure out how to get her to come. She’s excited; maybe tonight is the night.

Five minutes go by, and she’s finished her soak. After dumping the contents of the glass down the sink, Yuugao clips on her bra and pulls on her tank top, tucking it into her high-waisted shorts, before walking out of the bathroom. She walks down the stairs, to find Hayate drinking a beer on her parents’ couch, while Tenzou is on a chair, eating a rice ball.

“Ready to go?” she asks, practically humming with excitement.

“We should wait another half hour,” Hayate says, “we don’t want to get there first.” Yuugao wiggles her hips, stretching up.

“But I want to go now,” she hums, before relaxing and padding over to Hayate. Going to raves, doing drugs, having sex—being bad feels pretty good, and Yuugao feels like her life is a movie. She sits down beside him, and he smiles as he places his hand on her shoulder.

“It’s more fun to be late,” he says, “this isn’t an Anbu mission.”

“Hear that, Tenzou?” Yuugao asks, “apparently, this isn’t an Anbu mission.” She grins when Hayate rolls his eyes, and Tenzou smiles.

“So, we’re allowed to have fun?” he asks.

“I guess so,” she replies, winking, “but I think we always have fun.” The two of them actually have a lot of fun together, when they are on missions. He went with her when she got her nipple pierced, and he bought her greasy food after. They sat on the edge of the roof of a tall building and licked the grease and salt off of their fingers, swinging their legs.

“I feel like a third wheel,” Hayate says. Tenzou shrugs, while Yuugao smiles at Hayate.

“I think I spend more time with Tenzou than you,” she says. They are on the same Anbu team, and their two other teammates are ten years older than them. Very frequently, they end up hanging out together. Tenzou has never had a friend like Yuugao before; she finds him genuinely funny, and she actually likes him more than Kakashi. “We have fun, right?”

“Lots,” Tenzou says, stretching out his legs.

“And my mom adores you,” Yuugao says, looking right at Tenzou. His smile stretches across his face, like he’s a frog, and it makes Yuugao feel warm. She knows he gets lonely, and that he fears that no one cares for him. She hopes to prove, emphatically, that it is not the case.

“Ouch,” Hayate says, standing up to go to the kitchen, “rub it in a little more.” He actually thinks their friendship is cute; Yuugao is very introverted, and Tenzou lures her out of her shell, although, it isn’t intentional. It’s just who he is. Yuugao once told Hayate that both she and Tenzou are afraid of being alone and are too scared to reach out to other people. _We make each other brave_ , she said, completely earnest. _One day, I’ll be gone, and Tenzou will be by your side_. Hayate tries not to linger on the thought, walking to the kitchen. He and the guys got stoned yesterday, and Aoba pulled out Anko’s tarot cards, and told Hayate to ask a stupid question. Before he could say anything, Asuma rolled his eyes and said, _how will I die?_ The Death card came out: a card about transformation, the end of the old to bring in the new, that the forces that guide your life, like Death, are going to do what they do regardless of how you feel about it. An inevitable and karmically necessary death for Asuma. _No fucking duh_ , Asuma said, _Hayate, ask it how you’ll die_. So, he did, and the Moon came up; beware duplicity, secrets coming to light, conspiracies. _Motherfucker_ , Aoba said, laughing, _too bad we didn’t ask when_. Nonetheless, the hairs on the back of Hayate’s neck stood up, and he has a horrible feeling that it will all come to pass. It makes him anxious, but he refuses to tell Yuugao—she’ll only worry, and his cough already makes her nervous.

“Oh, Hayate,” Yuugao half whines, standing up and following him to the kitchen. “It’s not like that,” she says, standing in the door of the kitchen. Hayate turns to look at her, and he exhales, trying to remember all the reasons he likes the Moon. It controls the tides, it represents the divine feminine, and Yuugao loves to look up at it. She smiles at him, gently, and before his intrusive thoughts can poison this moment, Hayate walks right up to her and kisses her on the mouth.

**

Ibiki feels like his life must have gone off the rails at some point—how else to explain the fact that he is driving a car with Kakashi, Guy and Anko in the back, and Aoba in the front passenger seat? Kakashi is quiet but Guy, Aoba and Anko are a whole different story. While changing the music, Aoba is telling them all about the time he took shrooms and sat in a bubble bath for four hours, only to be found by his mother, who, completely sidestepping his obvious intoxication, told him to get out of the bathtub and put his pants on, because they had to go to his grandparents’ anniversary party.

“It was my dad who finally told her that I couldn’t go in that condition,” Aoba says.

“You’re so stupid when you’re tripping too,” Anko howls, “I can’t believe she thought that you were seriously going to make it.”

“My mother is an optimist,” Aoba says, “just like me and Guy.”

“Who isn’t, when there is so much to look forward to?” Guy crows, his smile big and chest puffed up. Kakashi looks out the window, pointedly ignoring everyone. Ibiki thinks about pulling out each of his eyelashes, one by one, just to feel something.

“You’re a menace to society, Aoba,” Ibiki says.

“I’m a loveable scamp,” Aoba replies, looking through the music on his phone.

“A national treasure!” Anko says.

“An eternal youth!” Guy adds. Aoba smiles at their praise, putting a hand over his heart.

“You two are my favourites,” he says, looking back at Anko and reaching to take her hand in his. They grin at each other, before Aoba winks at Guy, letting go of Anko’s hand. “Anko, what should we listen to?”

“Something with misogyny in it,” she says, giggling at her own joke. Aoba looks back at her, chuckling.

“If there’s no rape, what’s the point?” he says, making Anko guffaw. Kakashi sighs loudly, and even Guy looks a little uncomfortable.

“Absolutely not,” Ibiki says. Aoba and Anko glare at him at the same time, before Anko decides to needle him.

“Fine. What can we listen to?” she asks.

“Something without sexual violence,” Ibiki says, “you can have misogyny, but it all has to be consensual.”

“Consensual misogyny,” Aoba hums, “Anko, that should be our band name.”

“Our sad girl band?” she asks, picking up what he puts down.

“Can I be a member?” Guy asks. Anko nods.

“Of course,” she says, “but Asuma is already our drummer.”

“Does Asuma know this?” Kakashi asks.

“Of course!” Aoba says, “we tell him everything, don’t we Anko?”

“He knows where all the bodies are buried,” she replies. “You know what’ll annoy Ibiki?”

“What?” Aoba asks, giving Anko his full attention.

“Kanye West,” she says. When _The Life of Pablo_ came out, she and Aoba played it non-stop in T&I until Ibiki actually destroyed every speaker and stereo in the office. Inoichi wasn’t too happy about it, but Ibiki said he’d take any punishment, considering he saved his own sanity. Aoba smirks and looks at Ibiki, who resigns himself to his fate.

“Which album?” he asks.

“Which is your favorite?” Anko asks.

“None of them,” Ibiki deadpans.

“Come on, even you must have a preference,” Anko says.

“Can we take a moment and acknowledge the singular achievement that is _My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy_?” Aoba adds.

“You’re impressed by “put the pussy in a sarcophagus?” Kakashi asks. Aoba grins wickedly, while Anko chimes in.

“I like “bruise her esophagus,” personally,” she says.

“We are simple creatures,” Aoba says, shrugging.

“You two are evidence that humanity is a mistake,” Ibiki says, rolling his eyes when Aoba puts a hand over his heart and Anko puts her hand on Aoba’s arm reassuring him that, if anyone is a mistake, it’s definitely Ibiki or Kakashi.

**

Kurenai sits in the passenger seat of Raidou’s car, glowering out the window as Raidou focuses on the road ahead of him. Asuma’s knees stick into the back of her seat, while Genma looks out the window. Shizune sits between the two of them, playing with her phone. Kurenai and Raidou aren’t fighting, per se, but as predicted, she isn’t happy to be so poorly put together. She used her fingers clean up her eyeshadow, and she applied her red lipstick in the car, so it’s a little smudged. She and Raidou drove over in silence, and at some point, that silence soured. It happens whenever they try to use sex to fix a problem that requires dealing with uncomfortable feelings, such as their mutual fear of rejection, even though neither of them would ever say ‘no’ to the other.

When Genma got in the car and saw her dress, he grinned and asked Kurenai if she’s a patriot. She narrowed her eyes and didn’t answer, which is when Genma and Asuma exchanged looks, realizing how shitty this car ride is going to be. The one thing more annoying then Raidou and Kurenai getting along is when they disagree.

The first twenty minutes were awkward, and after trying to start a conversation, Shizune turned on the radio using the dial on the console. Slow, steady, soft music from the fifties came on, and Genma, Asuma and Kurenai all turned and stared at her, while Raidou sighed. Shizune huffed and told them that they were being weird and quiet and were ruining her night. No one said anything as Genma leaned over and turned the radio off.

Kurenai pulls out her phone and looks at the text Shizune had sent in response to Raidou creating a universe inside of her: _Genma called me a horse girl and Asuma laughed_. Kurenai looks sideways at Raidou, who isn’t looking at her. She feels his semen leaking out into her panties, and she is, once again, very offended that he had the nerve to make her come three times instead of agreeing to being her boyfriend. She taps out a message and hears Shizune’s phone ping.

“Who is it?” Genma asks, bored.

“My mother,” Shizune says, lying. Kurenai is the only one in the car who knows how bad things are with Shizune’s mother. When grief transformed into chronic depression, it was Kurenai who found Shizune on the couch, her mother’s head on her lap, stroking her hair. _Did you know that depression eats the brain and nervous system, to the extent where someone can suffer from memory loss and chronic pain?_ Kurenai helped her mother upstairs, while Shizune sat on the couch.

“I haven’t seen your mom in forever,” Genma says, “is she still taking missions?”

“Sometimes,” Shizune says, reading Kurenai’s message. _Raidou made me come three times and still won’t be my boyfriend_. Shizune snorts and types a quick reply. She drops her phone onto her lap, watching Kurenai pick hers up.

 _All creation comes at a cost_. Kurenai smiles, and Raidou looks over at her. He feels like a dick, and he wants to make it up to Kurenai, or at least not sit next to her in awkward silence, with Genma, Asuma and Shizune as a silent jury.

“Who is it?” he asks softly. Kurenai looks at him and considers being cooperative.

“No one,” she replies.

“It’s clearly not no one,” he says, “you’re smiling.” He doesn’t know why he is so insistent, but something in her tone bothers him. Genma and Asuma look at each other, and Genma holds up three fingers, counting down.

“It’s no one who concerns you,” Kurenai says. Genma opens and closes his hand, miming an explosion, while Asuma holds a hand up to his head, like it’s a gun, and pulls the trigger. They’ve sat through many different versions of this fight, and they know it will end like it always does. Kurenai will storm off, Raidou will walk in the opposite direction, and then they run right back to each other. Raidou complained about her asking him to be her boyfriend, and Genma replied that they fight like they’ve been married for at least a decade. _You’re worse than my parents_ —Genma’s mother once told his father that he could sleep on the couch, if he kept complaining about the way she made coffee. When his father actually did just that, his mother went downstairs in the middle of the night and softly asked him to come back upstairs. Genma had listened from the kitchen, while he was getting a glass of water. As is the case with his parents, Genma wishes that Raidou could just admit that he and Kurenai both want the same thing, and act accordingly.

“No one who concerns me?” Raidou asks, clearly annoyed. Asuma, already over it, looks down at Shizune’s leg, and thinks about how he never appreciated how charged adjectives like ‘milky’ and ‘creamy’ can be. She has nice legs: no scars or blemishes or freckles. He doesn’t feel like a slimeball, but he wonders if he should. How should a ‘good guy’ feel about being sexually attracted to a female friend who doesn’t notice him? Kakashi would ask Asuma why he’s so fixated on being a ‘good guy’ when he has literally killed people. Shizune sighs, stretching forward to touch the console between the front seats.

“Are you jealous?” Shizune asks. If Raidou could, he’d turn around and glare at her, but he needs to keep his eyes on the road. Kurenai sighs.

“It’s just Shizune,” she says, touching his arm. “I’m mad because of all the other stupid shit you put me through.”

“Like what?” Raidou asks. Kurenai frowns.

“Oh boy,” Genma says, rubbing his eyes.

“Do you want a list?” Kurenai asks.

“Yes,” Raidou says, “I would like a comprehensive list of the stupid shit I do.”

“Think about what we did today,” Kurenai says, “what you made me say to you.” Genma sighs loudly, while Asuma sits back, crossing his arms.

“How can you be mad about that?” Raidou asks.

“Because you make me say things like that, and then refuse to consider my actual feelings when you make decisions about our life together,” Kurenai says.

“I’m pretty sure my mom says the same thing to my dad,” Genma says.

“He has my condolences,” Asuma replies. Kurenai turns around and glares at the two of them, but they don’t care. She doesn’t intimidate them, hasn’t since they caught her listening to Britney Spears and she chucked her CD player at them, before swearing them to secrecy. When Genma told Raidou, he said that Kurenai still hasn’t told him she’s a fan—he only knows because he found the CDs hidden away, and, because he respects her privacy, he’s never said anything. But, when Britney Spears comes on, Raidou is the one who asks not to skip it. It’s the kind of thing that goes over Kurenai’s head but Genma and Asuma notice, probably because they aren’t trying to make him their boyfriend.

“Did he do the thing?” Shizune asks. Kurenai nods, and Raidou frowns.

“You told her?!” Raidou’s voice rises, and Genma and Asuma prepare for a show.

“Of course, I did,” Kurenai says innocently.

“Unbelievable,” Raidou mutters, gripping the wheel.

“I’m much less invasive than Anko,” Shizune says. Raidou, Genma and Asuma immediately decide not to contemplate what, exactly, Anko is invading. The three of them just know that they won’t like knowing.

“Anko pries,” Kurenai says, looking ahead. She wants graphic details: length, girth, number of orgasms. This morning, she asked Kurenai if she would describe Raidou’s dick as demonic, and Kurenai replied that it feels too good—she would argue that it’s _divine._ Anko had shrieked and Shizune clamped her hand over her mouth.

“Whatever,” Raidou sighs, choosing the path of least resistance. It’s already 10:30 p.m., and everyone is going to be waiting for them.

“That’s crazy-making behavior right there,” Shizune says, “you always ‘whatever’ instead of talking through your problems.” Kurenai turns and smiles at her.

“Exactly!” Kurenai says, “I’m heroically sane, after everything you put me through.” She smiles, tapping Raidou on the arm. He says nothing about earlier, when she said crazy is an ableist term. When he frowns, Kurenai feels her anger rising.

“No, I’d say you’re crazy,” Genma says. Kurenai looks over her shoulder, scowling.

“I’m not crazy,” she says.

“Do the crazy know they’re crazy?” Genma replies.

“If a tree falls in a forest and no one is there, does it make a sound?” Asuma asks. Shizune giggles, and he feels something in his chest light up. Kurenai crosses her arms and faces the windshield, while Genma leans his head against the window. It’s going to be a long night.


	2. Part II

“But I think you might be the same as me”

Lorde, “Homemade Dynamite”

Kakashi eyes the little pile of folded tinfoil squares in Aoba’s hand, as he counts out the right number of pills. Raidou, Hayate and Ibiki aren’t partaking because they are driving, since they are each responsible, even if it is in a bare minimum kind of way. Raidou and Kurenai are standing beside each other, but they aren’t looking at each other, while Genma stands at Kurenai’s elbow, looking bored. Asuma is on his other side, standing by Shizune, who has a faraway look in her eyes. Tenzou stands beside her, back straight and arms crossed, while Yuugao stands beside him, talking to Hayate.

Ibiki is ignoring Guy and Anko, who are talking about how excited they are, which brings Kakashi back to Aoba, who he is standing beside.

“Okay, here it is kids,” Aoba says, walking around the circle and giving everyone but Raidou, Hayate and Ibiki a folded square of tinfoil. When he’s finished, he stands in the middle of the circle, holding his own square, smiling. “Let’s get fucked.” Everyone unwraps the tinfoil and swallows a little green pill, and almost immediately, they splinter into smaller groups. Ibiki immediately sneaks off, melting into the crowd without any effort. Guy grabs Kakashi and insists that they are going to find him a nice girl who will pull him out of his eternal melancholy into the sunshine of youth, or something. Kurenai and Yuugao both look at Aoba, who grins and pulls out two more folded pieces of aluminum.

“You two looking for something?” he asks. Hayate is busy talking to Genma, and Raidou is pointedly not looking at Kurenai and pretending not to care, so she decides to grin up at Aoba.

“Maybe,” she hums, “what have you got?”

“More pills,” he says, holding his hand out.

“No coke?” Kurenai asks, making her eyes big.

“For you? No,” Aoba says, “you and Genma burn through it too quick. It’s another pill or nothing.” Kurenai sighs and holds her hand out. He drops a piece of foil into her palm, and holds the other out to Yuugao, who looks uncertain.

“Um,” she says, “I can’t pay for that.” Aoba grins right at her, looking at Kurenai before looking back at Yuugao. Shizune, Kurenai and Anko were never this sweet.

“I’m about to teach you a very important lesson, Yuugao,” he says, taking her hand and placing the foil square into it. “Pretty girls don’t pay for drugs.” She opens her mouth slightly, blushing, which Aoba thinks is adorable. “Man, you’re so much nicer than any of the other girls. Don’t you think, Kurenai?” Aoba grins at the look on Kurenai’s face—she frowns, almost like she’s jealous. He decides to really needle at her, just to see what she’ll do. “Yuugao’s the kind of girl you settle down with. What do you think Raidou would do if he knew how nice and sweet she is?” Kurenai narrows her eyes and puffs her cheeks, glaring at him before side-eyeing Yuugao. It makes Yuugao feel very small, like maybe Kurenai will melt her down into a pile of goo. Kurenai spins on her heel and grabs Genma by the wrist, pulling him into the crowd. Aoba clucks his tongue, smiling, before looking at Yuugao, who looks mortified. “What?”

“What do you mean, what?” she replies.

“I saw an opening, and I took it,” he says, “sue me.” Yuugao frowns instead, and goes over to Tenzou, tapping him on the shoulder, signalling for him to follow her into the crowd. Anko walks up to Aoba, arms crossed.

“You saw an opening,” she hums. Aoba grins.

“I also wanted to piss off Kurenai,” he says, “and Yuugao is just as pretty and infinitely nicer.”

“Kurenai isn’t mean,” Anko says.

“She’s just not nice,” Aoba replies. Kurenai is kind, when she feels like it or if she cares about someone. But softness isn’t in her nature. She’s like her dad that way, may that crochety old man rest in peace. Anko hums in response, looking around.

“We should get going,” she says, “did you bring the pills?” Aoba doesn’t answer—he simply nods, and they set off.

That leaves Raidou, who is in a mood, Hayate, who is in relatively good spirits, Shizune, who is a little nervous, and Asuma, who is indifferent. As Shizune waits for the pill to kick in, she looks around, feeling out of place. She wanted to maybe meet someone and make out, but now that she’s here, she’s a little afraid. She does want to go dancing, but Kurenai and Anko left her high and dry. Crossing her arms, she hunches over, clearly looking uncomfortable. Raidou, Hayate and Asuma all look at each other, before Hayate, who is the best man out of the three despite not even being eighteen yet, clears his throat.

“Are you okay?” he asks in his gentle voice. Shizune sighs.

“I wanted to go dancing but—”

“Anko and Kurenai are dicks,” Raidou finishes, “believe me, we are in agreement.” Hayate says nothing as Asuma sighs to himself. He’s going to regret this, he just knows it, but that isn’t enough to stop him.

“Shizune, do you want to go dancing?” Asuma asks. She looks at him, confused.

“You want to go dancing?”

“Well, no,” he says, “but that’s just because I suck at it. But I doubt Hayate and Raidou are much better and Kurenai doesn’t share and Yuugao doesn’t seem like she would either.” Shizune smiles softly, evidently amused, which improves Asuma’s mood ever so slightly.

“Okay,” she hums, turning her back, walking into the crowd. Asuma salutes Raidou and Hayate before he follows her, and then, there were two.

Raidou bites his lower lip, thinking. He is annoyed with Kurenai, but he wants to find her and apologize. He can tell that she’s in a destructive mood; she’s always like that when she’s annoyed with him.

“I’ll see you later Hayate,” Raidou says, heading towards the crowd. Hayate stands there, blinking, before looking all around him, realizing that he is alone.

“Hey!” he says, to no one in particular. It is then that he realizes what a long night this will be. Sighing, he decides to find Yuugao and Tenzou, which promises to be a chore.

**

Genma yelps when someone steps on his foot, as Kurenai drags him into the crowd. She’s stronger than she looks, and when she’s pissed nothing can get in her way. He’s seen her send an enemy flying just for saying that he was annoyed to be _stuck with the chick_ while Genma, Raidou and Asuma were otherwise engaged.

“Kurenai, where are we going?” he asks.

“Dancing,” she says over her shoulder, not caring about who she bumps into. Her grip on his wrist is firm, and eventually she stops right in the middle of the dancefloor. She frowns when she sees Raidou by the bar, at the edge of the crowd. She turns back to Genma and hold up the little bit of foil Aoba gave her. “We’re taking this pill.”

“We literally just took one,” Genma sighs, “can’t you just talk to Raidou instead of acting out?”

“I do talk to him!” Kurenai hisses, “I tell him exactly what I want, and then he says no, and then he makes me come three times and has the nerve to act clueless, like it’s not his plan or something!” Genma blinks. He overheard Aoba’s comment about Yuugao, but he didn’t think it would bother Kurenai this much. Raidou so clearly loves her for all of her ugly bits and horrible qualities, as much as her good ones.

“I could have died without knowing that,” he replies. Kurenai makes a frustrated noise, like a low growl, shaking her head so that her hair flaps around her face.

“Fuck him!” Kurenai declares.

“You already do,” Genma deadpans. Kurenai gives him an angry look, like she could melt him on the spot, but she’s never acted on it before, and she won’t now, not when he is her only friend. “Just be clear and direct.”

“I am,” she says, “and him being the only man whose dick I suck should be pretty fucking clear!” She unfolds the tinfoil as Genma sighs. Raidou is always calling him a pain in the ass but Genma would beg to differ.

“No one ever said he was smart,” he says, “it’s not my fault you like ‘em dumb.” Kurenai ignores his comment, throwing the foil on the floor as she holds up the lilac pill, with a smiley face stamped onto it.

“Well, let’s get fucked up then,” she says, splitting the pill by digging her thumbnail into its center. She holds one half out to Genma, who looks apprehensive.

“I don’t know if this is a good idea,” he says. It’s one thing to do bumps of coke throughout the night, which is completely different from taking two pills back-to-back just to see what happens. He’s already committed at least six hours to whatever the fuck Aoba gave them.

“Don’t be a pussy,” Kurenai says, holding the pill right up to his face, “if you don’t take it, I’ll swallow the whole thing.” Genma gives her an unimpressed look.

“Your gynophobia wounds me, Kurenai,” he says, “who taught you to equate pussy with cowardice?”

“Genma, focus!” Kurenai’s pupils get bigger as the light gets dimmer, and Genma finds that it is making his insides squidgy. Like she is trying to suck him in, and it’s _working_. He chooses not to think about what this could mean for the night he is about to have. _What the fuck did Aoba give me?_ Genma sighs, holding out his palm.

“Keep your panties on,” he huffs. She smiles as she places the pill on his palm, and they swallow at the same time, tilting their heads back in unison.

Kurenai smiles, and as they both feel a warm feeling work its way up from their toes, to their kneecaps and hip sockets into their tummies, leaking everywhere inside of them, they smile at each other and allow the tide to rise up above them.

**

Ibiki decided to come to this thing for one very simple reason: he wants to get laid. In the middle of talking to a handsome man from Suna, who wears his hair in a ponytail and has a tattoo on his neck, Hayate comes up and taps Ibiki on the shoulder. He does this right at the point in the conversation when they’ve both decided that they are interested in each other and are deciding whether to have sex now or later. Ibiki turns to look at Hayate, and sighs.

“What is it?” he asks.

“It won’t take long,” Hayate says, “sorry to bother you.” He says this to the man Ibiki is talking to, smiling. “I just need to ask him a quick question and the two of you can go back to whatever you were going to do.”

“What’s your question?” Ibiki asks, wondering if anything will ever go his way. _I’m not even high_.

“Have you seen Yuugao?” Hayate asks. Ibiki blinks.

“That’s what you wanted to ask me?”

“Yes,” Hayate replies, crossing his arms.

“No, I haven’t,” Ibiki says, “consider getting her a radio collar.” He looks back at the guy he is talking to, tilts his head and nods at a closet. “I’ll see you later.” Hayate watches them walk away, blinking, wondering why the fuck this keeps happening to him.

**

Yuugao tucks a lock of hair behind her ear, as Tenzou stands before her, looking at her intently. Neither of them gets to have fun often, if ever, and they are excited for the opportunity to act like kids. That doesn’t mean that they aren’t a little nervous—Anbu puts a lot of shit in you, but it is never fun, and they are already in the beginning swells of the green pill.

“You sure?” Tenzou asks. Yuugao nods.

“When else are we going to get the chance to take it?” she replies. She opens the foil square, takes the pill, breaking it in half. She holds his half out to him, and he opens his mouth. She pops it in, and he swallows, tilting his head back, eyes closed. She swallows her own pill, closing her eyes as she does so.

“Yuugao,” he says, “do you think I’ll end up alone?” Tenzou asks this as the first wave of warmth pools right in his belly, and his elation pushes all of his insecurities and fears to the surface, making sharing them feel like it’s nothing, not really. It makes it easier for him to share his greatest fear; that he’ll never have a home or be connected to anyone but Kakashi. All Tenzou has ever wanted is to belong somewhere, and as he gets older, it looks increasingly unlikely.

Yuugao tilts her head, opening her eyes as the buzzing comes up the backs of her legs, feeling, quite suddenly, very alert but not anxious, no, she’s joyful to see the world in such detail. The music thumps around them, and the lights are all different colors, and when she looks at Tenzou, she feels something inside of her gush.

“No,” she says, “I’ll never let that happen.” He tilts his head and looks at her, his eyes big and dark deep, pupils dilated. Yuugao wants to assume the position and dive right in or lick the edge of his jaw. It’s a deep cosmic pull she feels for him, not romantic or sexual but full of love and care.

“Really?” he smiles like a little kid. Yuugao nods.

“We can have sleepovers and share our secrets,” she replies. Tenzou nods, before putting his hands behind his head and unbuckling his happuri, which, like Kakashi’s mask and Aoba’s sunglasses, is pretty much a part of his face. He takes it off slowly, before putting it on Yuugao’s head, stepping close so that his face is right in front of hers as he buckles it up.

It feels tight on her head, but she adjusts, quickly, smiling up at him. “To friendship,” he says, stepping back. It’s too big on her face, but she looks immensely pleased to have it there. It feels very ceremonial, like they’ve just made a blood pact.

Yuugao places her tongue on his chin, and licks right up his jaw, able to get close now that she’s wearing the happuri. Tenzou giggles, covering his mouth and pulling away.

“That tickles,” he says, grinning like a little kid.

“I know,” Yuugao replies, “that’s why I did it.” She smiles and looks at the dancefloor. “Let’s go dance!” She grabs his hand and pulls him in.

**

Aoba sits on the back of the toilet, his legs splayed open so Anko can sit between them on the toilet seat. There is someone fucking in the bathroom stall on one, and someone puking in the other. Neither of them particularly care; it comes with the territory of being a degenerate. Anko looks up at him, eyes narrow as he checks his pockets for the tenth time. He promised to bring the purple pills that get them so fucked up that they both feel like they are floating in deep outer space. Apparently, he forgot.

“We’re shit out of luck,” he sighs. Anko glares at him.

“I can’t believe you,” she says, “we were going to get super high and stick our heads out the car windows on the drive back.”

“Well, at least we won’t make out,” Aoba says. That’s what happened the last time they took these pills, and while it was fun it wasn’t really what either wanted to do.

“Whatever. Did you bring anything else?” she asks. Aoba grins and pulls out a baggie of white powder.

“I have good, ol’ fashioned cocaine,” he says. Anko sighs.

“I wanted to roll,” she pouts. Aoba takes out his house keys and hooks the ring on his finger as he opens the bag.

“Could be worse. We could be sober,” he says, “or miserable, like our friends.”

“Everyone is in such a weird mood,” Anko says.

“Our friends are fucking lame.” Aoba decides to do the first bump, while Anko taps her fingers on his thigh, waiting.

**

Bruxism—jaw-clenching and tooth-grinding—is both an evolutionary reflex and the side-effect Shizune always ends up dealing with whenever she takes a pill from Aoba. She rubs her cheek, just over her molars, while Asuma looks at her. They haven’t gone dancing. Instead, Shizune wanted them each to take a shot. Apparently, her jaw hurts.

“It might help if you bite something,” he says. Shizune frowns.

“You think?” she asks.

“Kakashi gave me that tip,” Asuma replies, tucking his hands into his pockets. They’d been rolling in the middle of nowhere, with Aoba and Genma, when Kakashi told him that.

“Well, he’s not a moron,” Shizune says, lifting her forearm to her mouth and opening wide, biting into her own flesh. Her lips rest against her skin, flush, pressed as if in a kiss. Asuma watches her closely, feeling his mouth go dry.

Shizune feels a temporary relief, sighing when she pulls away, a strand of saliva on her arm, her skin marked with little red crescents. She looks down at her arm, tilting her head. Ut took the edge off, a little bit, but it could as easily be the placebo effect. “Do you think it will bruise?” She holds her arm up to Asuma’s face. He touches her arm, rubbing his thumb over the marks, trying not to think about how he is touching her saliva.

“I don’t think you bit down hard enough,” he says, looking away as she puts her hand over the bite on her arm, the green glow of chakra healing it over. 

“Okay, well…” Shizune says, looking around. “Let’s go dancing.”

“I’m a terrible dancer,” Asuma says. She can tell by the bored tone in his voice that he’s trying to play it cool. Shizune smiles.

“You asked me! Besides, it’s almost better that way,” she says, “I dance terribly too.”

“Yeah, but you’re a girl. It’s different,” he says, digging his nails into his palms.

“C’mon,” she says, “Aoba and Genma come dancing with me, Kurenai and Anko all the time, and neither of them are particularly graceful.”

“You won’t laugh?” he asks, sounding uncertain. Shizune grins big.

“Asuma, laughing is the point,” she says, “c’mon, let’s go.” Hooking her arm in one of his, she pulls him toward the throng of bodies in front of them, and he very much hopes that he won’t regret this.

**

Aoba tilts his head from side to side, his body swaying with the music, Anko in front of him, her arms over her head, wiggling her hips. They both love going to raves—they’ve been going since they were sixteen. One night, they were out so late that they only got back to Konoha at 6 a.m., in time to see Anko’s mother leaving the neighbor’s house, confirming the affair that they both knew was happening. Aoba and Anko had stared at her, their sandals in their hands, as she pretended not to see them. Ever since, they’ve been going to raves any chance they got, so Anko could avoid her parents and rub her own bad decision making in her mother’s face. Not to mention, this is their element, their natural habitat, and they are happy to finally be doing the things they want, free of any impediments, a.k.a. their other friends. Everyone else is boring or gets in their way and it’s nice to just be together.

Anko looks up at him as he grins at her. She’s known him since his teeth didn’t sit in his head quite right, and as a swell rolls up from the backs of her knees to her spine, she’s overwhelmed by a sense of well-being that makes her feel like goo all over. She reaches up and takes Aoba’s head in her hands, pressing her fingertips into his scalp. He leans into the contact. Aoba likes his friends and loves his mother and father, but he _loves_ Anko.

“Read my mind!” Anko demands. Aoba stops dancing, smiling.

“No,” he says, “you just look thirsty.” Anko shifts her jaw from side to side, realizing the truth of his statement.

“How did you know?” she asks, “I didn’t even know.”

“You just got that look on your face,” he says, “and you always get a little testy when you’re thirsty.” Anko rolls her eyes.

“Okay,” she says, “I’m going to go get a drink.”

“Great,” Aoba says, “I’m going to go take a leak. I’ll meet you by the bar.” He smiles at her serpentine grin and thumbs up, before she turns around and melts into the crowd.

**

This feels like the worst night of Raidou’s life, even though it definitely isn’t, made worse because he’s supposed to be having fun. He really shouldn’t have been such a dick to Kurenai, and he’s spent the last few hours looking for her, but she’s been giving him the slip. He sighs, rubbing his head.

“I can’t believe I’m going to be thirty in four years,” he groans. He closes his eyes briefly, and when he opens them, Hayate stands there. Raidou blinks at him. “Did you hear that?”

“Yeah,” he says, “I figured you wouldn’t want me to acknowledge it.”

“Thanks,” Raidou says, putting his hands on his hips, “what’s up?”

“Do you know where Yuugao is?” Hayate asks, “I haven’t seen her in a couple hours, and I’m worried.” Raidou frowns, nodding.

“Yeah, I’ve been looking for Kurenai,” he looks around, “she isn’t usually so stealthy.”

“Yeah,” Hayate says, “Yuugao usually makes sure that I can find her. Want to help me look?”

“I’ve got nothing better to do,” Raidou sighs. “Let’s go.”

**

Thirst quenched, Anko wades through the crowd, looking around for Aoba. She spots a couple making out in the crowd, and normally, she would dismiss it, until she takes a second look and realizes that Genma’s arms are around Kurenai’s waist and her hands are cradling his jaw, their tongues in each other’s mouths. Their tummies are pressed together, and they are both _smiling_. Anko feels her jaw drop, speechless. Kurenai’s sexuality _is_ Raidou and Genma has been calling her ugly since they were kids. In all honesty, it’d be funny if it weren’t obvious that they are both really, really high.

Kurenai pulls back from Genma, looking at him adoringly, feeling all the love bubble up inside of her. He’s almost as good a kisser as Raidou and infinitely prettier. She opens her mouth to say this, but he grins and points over her shoulder. She turns around and smiles big when she sees Anko.

“Hi Anko!” Kurenai says, waving enthusiastically.

“Did I interrupt something?” Anko asks, walking up to them.

“Yeah,” Genma says lazily. He holds Kurenai tightly, and she reciprocates his affection, rubbing the backs of his arms. The way they smile into each other’s eyes is downright uncanny.

Anko can safely say that, given the choice, she very much prefers the timeline where Kurenai and Raidou are making each other crazy over the one where Kurenai and Genma are staring longingly into each other’s eyes, and the fact that they’ve merged into one can only mean that the apocalypse is nigh.

**

Asuma bobs his head, moving stiffly. He’d be frowning, since this in and of itself isn’t very fun, but he’s smiling, because Shizune is laughing at him. They are both a little sweaty, and Asuma can’t remember the last time he actually enjoyed dancing. “I really suck at this,” Asuma says.

“That’s what makes it fun!” She says, placing her hands on his shoulders. Her face is so close to his, he can see the sweat on her top lip. She’s smiling right at him, and it feels like they’re inside one of those moments from the movies Asuma pretends not to like.

He opens his mouth to speak, when Shizune looks behind him and a throat clears. Asuma turns his head to see Hayate standing there. He has a serious look on his face, and Shizune immediately drops her hands from Asuma’s shoulders and steps towards Hayate.

“Is something wrong?” she asks. Hayate’s lip twitches, as he looks between them.

“Have either of you seen Yuugao?” he asks. Asuma and Shizune shake their heads.

“Do you want help looking?” Shizune asks, crossing her arms. Hayate eyes the two of them, before shaking his head.

“No, you two should enjoy yourselves.” He smiles, before heading back into the crowd. Shizune looks back at Asuma and shrugs, and while she doesn’t touch him again, she does smile, and that means something.

**

Aoba dries his hands on his pants, pushing the bathroom door open with his body. He sighs to himself and looks around. He’s sure he could sniff out a dealer somewhere around here, but he has to consult Anko first. Her word is his law. He said that once, and everyone looked at him like he had made a dead baby joke. No one understands their bond, and it would appear that no one even wants to try, which hurts his feelings sometimes but, on the other hand, it would make their bond less special if people could understand it.

He looks around, wading into the area by the bar, when he hears a squeak and, being the only sober-ish person in the vicinity, he turns around to see Yuugao, happuri strapped to her head, trying to pull her shirt up and Tenzou, with his arms around her, fighting to keep it down. Aoba doesn’t even have to think about it—they are definitely, if not insanely, high right now. He groans inwardly, realizing that this is one of those times where he has to pay back the karmic favor for all the times Asuma and Raidou have pulled him out of fountains and gutters and Shizune has nursed him during a bad trip.

Aoba walks over to them, grinning even though he is far from happy. “What are you two up to?” he asks. Yuugao throws her hands up in the air, over her head, smiling.

“Want to see my new nipple piercing?” she asks. Aoba makes a choking noise. It’s too late for Anko, Kurenai and Shizune, but the least he can do is make sure that Yuugao doesn’t flash anyone while she’s underage.

“Not interested,” Aoba says, recovering himself. “You’re too young.”

“Don’t say that!” Yuugao pouts, “you gave me those pills knowing my age.”

“No one should turn eighteen without consuming at least one illegal substance,” Aoba says, “you’re too sweet to make it a habit though, both of you.” Tenzou squeezes Yuugao tightly, and she yelps as he pulls her too him. “What, do you really think I’m a predator or something?” Tenzou narrows his eyes. “Look, I’m trying to help. I think it’s time for you two to go home, so you’re going to come with me, and we’re going to find Anko, and we’re going to figure something out.” Tenzou eyes him for a minute, before slowly letting go of Yuugao.

“Sounds like a plan,” she says, hugging Aoba and, standing up on her tiptoes, drags her tongue along his jaw, licking him from chin to ear. Her breath is somehow fresh, but Aoba decisively doesn’t like his face being licked, let alone by an underage Anbu operative under the influence. It’s just not his style.

“Stop licking me!” Aoba squawks, pushing her back by her shoulders. Yuugao frowns, confused as to why he is rejecting her affection. He sighs, loudly, before looking at Tenzou.“Don’t let her take her clothes off or put her mouth on anything or anyone and follow me.” Tenzou puts his hand on the small of her back, and Yuugao smiles up at him.

“Where are we going?” she asks, as Aoba starts walking.

“To find Anko and go the fuck home,” he replies over his shoulder. Tenzou has stands by her, like a bodyguard, so Aoba relaxes slightly and turns his attention forward. Once he finds Anko, everything will be okay. Of this, he is certain.

**

Kakashi had absolutely no expectations of how his night was supposed to go. He finds that he has more fun when his expectations are in the toilet. There’s really nowhere to go but up (or right down the drain, he supposes, but this is not that kind of night). After taking his pill, Kakashi would have been content to just wade through the crowd, maybe dance with a cute girl if he felt like it, or just stare up at the lights and smile. He likes the floaty feeling of being high, how the backs of his thighs tingle. It makes him feel very at peace with the world in a way that he could never be while sober.

Which is why he was a little annoyed when Guy dragged him into the crowd, declaring that this was the night that he would find a nice girl who would remind him that life is a beautiful and precious gift that ought not to be wasted on regrets. Regrets was an interesting word choice, but Kakashi didn’t say anything because he knows Guy is trying to be kind and supportive, and he is also very high.

Now, Kakashi doesn’t have a problem meeting girls or talking to them. But the kind of girls he likes tend to find Guy’s attempts at charm to be the opposite. He just tries so hard to make a girl feel comfortable that she inevitably begins to wonder if Kakashi is a fucking serial killer (which he kind of is) or damaged (which again, not wrong) or has some other deep personality flaw that would require Guy’s level of attentiveness to see past.

After the fifth girl walked away, Kakashi sighed and told Guy that they should just dance or something and forget about the whole girl thing. Guy crowed with delight, which is when Kakashi realized much, much too late that he would regret leaving his apartment tonight. He can just tell that _something_ is going to happen.

That was an hour and a half ago, and Kakashi is breathless when he and Guy leave the crowd. He’s having a lot of fun, dancing with Guy. More fun than he thought he would—none of the girls he hits on ever dance.

“You do this every weekend?” he asks. Guy nods enthusiastically.

“Yep,” he says, “it keeps my spirits up.” Guy stands straight and smiles big. _So that’s how you do it_. And here, Kakashi was thinking that it was just all the speed that Guy rips that keeps him so peppy.

“I don’t know what I expected,” Kakashi sighs, standing up straight. He looks over his shoulder, and blinks when he sees Raidou and Hayate walking up to them, the two of them looking like they are trying, very hard, not to be worried. _Oh great_. Kakashi knew there’d be a catch. “Yo,” he says, already over it.

“Hey,” Raidou says, clearly ignoring Kakashi’s obvious disinterest, “have either of you seen Kurenai or Yuugao?”

“No,” Kakashi says in a flat voice. Guy looks at him like it’s a surprise that Kakashi doesn’t care more, while Raidou purses his lips and Hayate crosses his arms. “It’s not my fault you lost them.”

Guy actually kicks him for that, before he smiles at Raidou and Hayate.

“We’ll help you look,” Guy says, “it could turn into a real adventure!”

“Fuck, I hope not,” Raidou says, pinching his earlobe. Kakashi doesn’t say it, but he feels the same, and he keeps this thought to himself because it is for completely selfish reasons—he just really, really doesn’t want to deal with Kurenai and Yuugao being lost. It’ll be a complete headache.

Once again, Guy grabs his arm and yanks him along as they follow Hayate and Raidou, who are trying to strategize the best way to search.

**

When Aoba sees Anko, he waves his arms until she can see him. She smiles right at him, and he immediately notices that Kurenai and Genma are behind her…kissing? Aoba tilts his head, and when Anko turns back to see what he’s looking at, she waves her hand in their faces to distract them. Aoba looks over his shoulder, and Tenzou and Yuugao are right there behind him, holding hands.

It’s only then that he realizes how fucked they are if Yuugao, Kurenai, Tenzou and Genma are all acting this way. They come to stand in a circle, Kurenai and Genma wrapped around each other while Yuugao leans on Tenzou’s shoulder, holding one of his hands in both of hers, over her stomach.

“What the fuck happened to them?” Anko asks.

“I could say the same,” Aoba says, gesturing at Kurenai and Genma. “We can’t stay here. We have to take them home.”

“I don’t want to go home!” Kurenai pouts, “just do your dirty worm talk and leave the rest of us alone.” Genma kisses her cheek, and she giggles, while Aoba and Anko feel their eyes twitch.

“What the fuck…” Aoba says, “I’m never going to stop making fun of him for this.” Anko sighs.

“How the fuck are we going to get home?” she asks. Aoba rubs his face, his head pounding.

“I don’t know, okay?” he says, “we just need to get them outside, into the fresh air, and come up with a plan.” Anko nods, and it is then that he realizes that she has never not believed in him.

“Let’s do it,” she says, her words being his command.

**

Shizune and Asuma eventually wade out from the crowd, sweaty and a little out of breath. The lights are flashing blue and red, and Asuma eyes the sweat that has collected inside of Shizune’s collarbone. They are both rolling, and when he looks back up at her face, Shizune is grinning like a little kid, looking right into his eyes.

“That was a lot of fun,” she says, the words leaving her mouth before she can think, “I’m having a lot of fun, actually.” Asuma grins at his opening. Like Kakashi, he doesn’t chase girls, but when an opportunity presents itself, he doesn’t let it slip by.

“You make it sound like you didn’t think I’d be any fun,” he replies. Shizune smiles.

“I never doubted you,” she says. Asuma bobs his head.

“Alright, I believe you,” he says, “should we try and find everyone else?” Shizune shakes her head.

“No, no,” she says, “they’ll ruin all of our fun!” He laughs at the way she shakes her head, making her hair fly around her face.

“Okay, okay,” he says, cupping her elbows in his palms, “we won’t look for them.” Shizune stops shaking her head, a little dizzy. She blinks a little, trying to adjust. Eventually, the two Asumas before her merge into one.

“What should we do, then?” she asks. Asuma presses his thumbs into the sides of her arms, which is when Shizune realizes that he is still cupping her elbows. It feels more intimate than it ought to.

Shizune tilts her head and looks up to him, and Asuma very consciously doesn’t look at her neck. He’s not a complete shark, not in that way, not when she looks up at him and he doesn’t know what she’s thinking.

“I…I don’t know,” he replies. Asuma hadn’t thought that far ahead, something that makes him feel a little ashamed. They are suddenly both hyperaware of how sweaty they are, and Shizune bites her lower lip.

“Okay,” she says quietly, “we’ll find something to do.”

“How about we just talk?” Asuma says. He doesn’t think they’ve ever actually had a vulnerable conversation. Shizune nods, clearly waiting for him to speak. He thinks for a bit, before asking the question he had in her bedroom. “Why were you so grumpy earlier?”

Shizune’s face falls, and she opens and closes her mouth. Asuma wonders if he’s asked the wrong question, when she finally speaks.

“I just feel…left behind,” she says. No one has ever asked her why she falls into her moods. Tsunade tells her to stop whining and her parents don’t really see her, not fully; her father, like most men, doesn’t talk about his feelings and her mother never got over the death of her uncle, Dan.

“Left behind?” Asuma asks, not expecting an actual answer. Kurenai stopped being soft when their sensei told her that Raidou and Asuma will never treat her like an equal if she ever cries, and Anko keeps her softness for Aoba. He’s never had a conversation with Yuugao, but he thinks she’s probably even more fucked up, being in Anbu and all.

“Yeah,” Shizune says, “I look at my life, and I think about how I don’t really see my friends or that I don’t have a boyfriend and look, I get that I’m smart and all but sometimes…sometimes I just want a man to look at me like I’m a woman. Like, I’m grateful to work with Tsunade and I know that I’m smart and that I have a great career ahead of me, but I just want to feel attractive.” Shizune looks down at the floor. “I feel very lonely, Asuma. That’s why I was grumpy.” Shizune crosses her arms and looks off to the side.

She’s not glowering or frowning. She just looks ashamed. Asuma drops his arms to his sides, suddenly feeling very out of his depth. Part of it is because it’s always a little awkward to be confronted by someone’s insecurities, and the other part is that he is actually very physically attracted to Shizune, so he feels like he has a conflict of interest. Like, he wants to comfort her and show her how attracted he is, but it’s more for him than it is for her.

Shizune knew it was a mistake to tell him. Putting her hands over her face, she breathes in deep and exhales, trying to figure out how she is going to ride this one out.

“Just forget it,” she says, “it’s nothing. Feelings are dumb. Let’s find Aoba and get more drugs.” She claps her hands in front of her, fake smiling. Asuma looks at her with a dumb expression on his face, and she finds herself getting annoyed. “What?”

“I don’t want to forget it,” he says, “it’s clearly bothering you.” She narrows her eyes.

“Well, just pretend I didn’t say those things,” she replies. Asuma sighs, rubbing his face, trying to figure out how to save this.

“I think you’re very pretty,” he says, feeling really lame. It feels weird, just telling a girl what he thinks of her rather than gesturing at it. It’s too forward—or so Asuma thinks. Right as he opens his mouth to reclaim his embarrassing declaration, he takes a real close look at Shizune. She’s blushing, her eyes wide, standing a little closer to him. Asuma doesn’t need to be told what it means when a girl comes closer.

“You think I’m pretty?” she says in a quiet voice. Asuma nods, not trusting himself to speak and not fuck this up. He wants Shizune to feel better, because she really is very pretty, and smart and strong and really, she shouldn’t be so hard on herself. But he also wants to fuck her.

“Yeah,” he says, “really pretty.” He pauses, thinking of how to sound cooler. “Guys are dumb, Shizune.” He winces at his delivery, but she smiles softly, and it makes him feel better.

“Thanks, Asuma.” She steps a little closer, and he stands to his full height. He presses his lips together, which has always been a tell of his. It means he’s thinking about what he wants to do.

Shizune tilts her head, looking up at him with big doe eyes, and he feels something inside him lock up. The music is loud and obnoxious, and they are still painted in red and blue light, but he feels like they are very much alone. He puts his hand to her face, his thumb resting on her cheekbone. Asuma freezes there, not knowing how to move forward. Shizune is far from his first but she is the first friend he is doing this with, which makes it easy for him to get close to her but harder for him to actually kiss her.

This sucks to admit, but he knows that if he fucks up here, he won’t be able to just walk away or avoid her.

When she takes his hand from her face, he thinks that he’s messed up. But Shizune holds his hand in both of hers, one of her palms pressed to his, while the other hand curves over his fingers. Like she’s protecting him.

“Asuma,” she says, stepping towards him, “may I kiss you?”

“Yes,” he says in a quiet voice, and while it’s loud all around them, she swears that she can hear his voice as if he were speaking into her ear. It registers that they’ve been able to hear each other so well because they are reading each other’s lips. Shizune puts his hand down at his side, and places her hand to his face, looking up at him. He looks a little nervous, but it’s flattering instead of off-putting.

She leans up as he leans down, and when they kiss, it’s very soft, all things considered. It’s Shizune who takes the lead, opening her mouth, pressing herself into him. Asuma’s hands rest on the small of her back, and something shifts between them when they feel each other’s body heat. She sighs into his mouth, wrapping her arms around his neck.

People walk around them, figuring they are just another young couple. They both briefly forget that their friends are milling around, until Shizune thinks she sees Aoba out of the corner of her eye. She pulls away and frowns, while Asuma looks at her with a stupid expression.

“What?” he asks.

“I thought I saw Aoba,” she says, frowning. Asuma kisses her neck, and she smiles when she feels his scruff. She looks around, and spots a door, and she grins at the absolutely wicked idea that pops into her brain. “I know what we could do,” she says.

“What?” he asks her carotid.

“C’mon.” She takes his hand and begins to pull him along. At first, he’s confused, and then he grins when he sees the door. He watches the muscles in her back as she pulls him along. She looks around as she opens the door, which opens into an old supply closet. There’s a mop in the corner, and it smells like bleach, which is better than damp mop but isn’t particularly arousing.

Shizune finds the light, a singular light bulb hanging from the ceiling. The lighting is softer, rosier than either of them thought it would be. The truth is that Shizune would prefer this to her childhood bedroom and Asuma doesn’t even want to think about how the Third would react if he tried to sneak a girl home. The Third doesn’t care what he does as long as it isn’t beneath his roof and Asuma doesn’t get caught—when he was younger, it hurt Asuma’s feelings, but the older he gets, the more he appreciates the Third’s approach to life’s lessons. Besides, it means Asuma got the sex talk from Aoba’s mom. Having heard what Raidou and Genma’s dads taught them, they all came to the agreement that learning from Aoba’s mom was for the best. 

Shizune leans against a concrete wall, smiling when she feels how cold it is. She and Asuma eye each other for a minute, before he walks over to her. When he leans in, he doesn’t place his hands on the wall, like she expects. He crosses his arms, like he is trying to make himself smaller, which is when she realizes that he is giving her an out.

“What are you doing?” she says, his face a few inches from hers.

“Assessing the situation,” he replies. He wants to make sure that she really wants to do this, here, while they’re both a little high and she’s in a nice party dress. She tilts her head to the side and smiles.

“What’s there to assess?” she asks, opening her arms. She’s here, and ready, and wanting. What more encouragement does he need?

“I don’t want to make assumptions,” he says, stepping towards her.

“So, you want a sign?” Shizune asks, grinning at the absolutely wicked idea that pops into her brain.

“An unambiguous sign would be appreciated,” he says in a careful voice. It’s kinda funny that he’s being so cautious, but it’s also very endearing. Shizune says nothing as she reaches under her skirt and hooks her fingers into the waistband of her panties. They are a sheer navy blue with pink roses embroidered on them. He watches her pull them down her legs, before she steps out of them and holds them up in the air. Asuma doesn’t get a chance to look at them closely, because she steps forward and tucks them into his pocket, before looking up at him.

She opens her mouth to say something, probably to ask if that was still too ambiguous, but he puts his hand to her cheek and kisses her with feeling.

They stumble backwards, Shizune colliding with the cold cement wall and Asuma’s hands digging into her hips. She puts her arms around his neck, and while he kissed her first, she slips her tongue into his mouth. The music isn’t loud so much as it thumps all around them, like they are inside a beating heart, or an adjacent organ.

Asuma pulls back and does something Shizune doesn’t expect. He rests his forehead against hers, searching her eyes. For what, neither of them exactly knows, but it’s clear when he finds it and relaxes. She feels his hot breath on her face, and she finds it relaxing, soothing even.

“We don’t have a lot of time,” she says in a quiet voice.

“We don’t,” he murmurs. He finds that he wishes that they had more, and that they weren’t in a supply closet.

“What are you doing to do to me?” she says. Asuma doesn’t say anything as his hands move down her hips, past the hem of her dress, before placing his palms on her bare thighs and pushing them up, up, up. She has very soft skin, like, baby soft, not that Asuma spends a lot of time with babies but he imagines that they are as smooth as Shizune. His thumbs rub circles into the soft skin of her hips. He doesn’t know why he doesn’t just go for it—it’s like he wants her to come out of her shell for him.

He’s also very, very nervous. Like, butterflies in his guts nervous. Shizune can feel it in his hands, and the tentative way he touches her. Shizune places a hand on either of his wrists and rubs the smooth skin that sits just on the inside.

“Are you nervous?” she asks. Asuma swallows.

“Yeah,” he says, admitting to uncertainty. Shizune smiles gently at him. She had wanted him to just take her but now that they’re here, she has to admit that there is something incredibly sweet and attractive about Asuma being so delicate with her.

“Why?” she asks.

“Because…” _I don’t want to fuck this up. I don’t want to hurt your feelings. I’ve never slept with a friend before_. “I want to be tender and gentle and nasty and I’m not sure how to do that.” Shizune’s mouth opens into a small ‘o’ at his words, and she feels her arousal spike.

“Tender, gentle, nasty,” she hums. Asuma nods, leaning in to kiss her softly. She smiles into his mouth, before pulling away. He looks surprised and a little hurt, and then he’s just puzzled when she smiles and sticks the pointer and middle fingers of her right hand into her mouth, and sucks. He eyes the trail of saliva on her fingers, biting the inside of his cheek as she reaches between her legs.

“We can be gentle and tender and nasty,” she says, “you can be tender and gentle, and I’ll be nasty.” She’s never masturbated with an audience, and she feels a little self-conscious with the way her nipples harden. Asuma watches her hand, before leaning forward and kissing her neck. His mouth is gentle and soft, but she isn’t prepared for when one of his hands comes up from below and joins hers.

“Is this okay?” he asks.

“Mhmm,” she hums, “I think it’d be nice to have a finger inside of me.”

“You think it’d be nice,” he smiles, “okay.” He’s very gentle as he searches for the right spot, and he eases a finger in just as she begins to feel the sparks of an orgasm. Her breathing picks up, and Asuma feels her sweat beneath his teeth, and his finger moves in and out as her hand moves faster.

Shizune smiles shyly, feeling a little self-conscious—she’s never really thought of any the guys in this way, not seriously, so it’s strange for Asuma to be knuckle-deep inside of her. She bites her tongue, trying to keep all of her little noises inside of her, but they all bunch up in her throat. She isn’t a virgin, but she’s never had sex with someone she knows in what she refers to as ‘real life,’ i.e., someone who she knows socially as opposed to a guy she meets during the little time she has away from Tsunade-duty.

No one has ever kissed her neck like Asuma does now, which feels more like he is comforting her rather than trying to get into her pants. On the other hand, she did put her underwear in his pocket, so she supposes that he figures he doesn’t have to necessarily try and convince her to have sex with him.

Impatient, she moves her hand faster, wanting to just come already so they can get to the part where two become one and she gets to show him what it’s like to be inside of her. She makes a frustrated noise as her orgasm eludes her, grinding onto their hands. Asuma smiles against her, pulling his face away from her neck. “Need help?” Shizune puffs her cheeks, annoyed that he’s right and that she doesn’t get to be rude to him because he’s being so sweet.

“Yes,” she replies. “I just need it harder.”

“Okay,” he replies, taking his finger out of her. She doesn’t like feeling empty, and neither of them realized how wet she is until they look at his finger. It’s shiny in the half-light.

“That came out of me,” she says, leaning forward, curious. He thinks it’s funny how interested she is in her own fluids, but he also knows that laughing won’t go over well.

“Well, let’s see what else you can do,” he says, “take my hand and show me what to do.” Shizune nods, like they’re on a mission and they are trying to work out a problem rather than having sex in a supply closet. He wants to be more intimate than that—he wants to look right into the backs of her eyes while he’s inside of her. The image punches him in the gut and the more he tries to suppress it, the more he keeps thinking about how good it is going to feel to finally, _finally_ punch her in.

She puts his middle and index fingers in her mouth, sucking on them, all while making eye contact with him. Just like that, it feels very intimate, and his erection makes him feel a little uncomfortable. He shifts his feet, trying to deal with the itch, as she takes his fingers out of her mouth with a POP! While she would love to say that she is a cool seductress and that every move she has made is calculated, Shizune is working off of instinct. She puts her hand on the outside of his, and she shows him how she likes to be touched. When he begins to move on his own, she lets his hand go and takes his face in hers.

She kisses him gently, slowly, tenderly, as he moves harder. The rougher he gets, the softer she kisses. It turns him on to feel the way she moves onto his hand, like she could take it into her body, and her tongue is in his mouth when she gasps ‘more, please’ in a sticky sweet voice. He feels her getting wetter and softer, so he slips a finger in, going until her body clenches around his hand and she sees stars, pressing her body into his, the beads of her dress pinching him through the thin material of his shirt.

Her orgasm makes her more excited, and he’s barely out of her when she reaches for his pants. He watches her, groaning when she takes his penis in her hand and strokes him. He’s very glad they aren’t in Konoha—if he were caught with Tsunade’s apprentice’s hand on his dick, in public, no less, he’d definitely get a lecture, if not a scolding about ‘decorum’ and ‘rules’ and ‘this isn’t the way you should act, young man.’ Shizune strokes him again, and it yanks him back into the moment. He feels tight in his tummy, and Asuma aches for her body right inside of his guts.

“Do you have a condom?” he asks. She shakes her head.

“No,” she replies, “but I have an IUD.”

“An I-U—,” Asuma begins, not knowing what that is. Shizune is here because he’s cute and a little dumb, so she decides to do them both a favor and cut him off.

“It’s a device that makes it so I can’t get pregnant,” she says. Asuma nods.

“Ah,” he says, “well, okay.” He’s never been inside someone without a condom before. While he isn’t in love with Shizune, they are going to have sex in a way that he would imagine two people in love would have it.

“Do you want to see my back?” she asks. Asuma shakes his head.

“I want to see your face,” he says quietly, the music getting especially thump-y. Shizune smiles.

“Okay,” she says softly, letting him pick her up, wrapping her legs around his waist. She looks him in the eye, her hand on his dick, biting her lower lip. “Are you ready?” she asks. Asuma smiles.

“Yeah.”

Shizune smiles and slides him in, home. It hurts, a little bit. He looks up at her and watches her face twist with discomfort. “Should we stop?” he asks. She shakes her head, because she isn’t a quitter, nor does she want to stop. It’s not love, but there is an embarrassing kind of animal lust inside of her that would never forgive her if they stopped now. When it’s been a minute, the stinging subsides and she nods at him, and he begins to move.

She arches her back, bracing herself for the impact that never comes. He moves gently, like he wants to take his time with her. Her arms are wrapped around his neck, and she’d be afraid of falling if he weren’t as big and strong as he is. It’s funny, how long they’ve known each other, considering that Shizune only just noticed him tonight. He hits something true inside of her, and she moans out loud, making him grin in a lop-sided kind of way. It’s the most vulnerable expression she has seen on his face in a long, long time. It’s easy to forget that they were all just kids, once.

She thought she wanted it quick, and, truth be told, they don’t have a lot of time, but she likes this slow, steady pace. Like, if he were moving too fast, she wouldn’t get to stare into his eyes and show him how it makes her feel to have him inside of her. She feels like her insides are hot and melting. The straps of her dress have slid off, and he presses his mouth to the pale wing of a clavicle. Shizune pants out his name, clenching around him. It makes him feel desired—wanted is the word.

“Tell me how much you want me,” he says, looking up at Shizune. He sees a naked hunger in her eyes, and it makes him even harder.

“I want to look in your eyes when we come,” she says, looking into the backs of his eyes. “I want you to come inside of me.”

“No pulling out?” he groans, moving with a little more force. Shizune nods.

“If you pull out, I’ll never forgive you,” she says, saying the kinds of filthy things she can’t say to the strangers she meets in her travels. It feels good to be a pervert, and then Asuma looks up at her with a painfully sincere expression. The lust falls away, leaving behind something deeper, as Shizune cups his face in her palm. “Asuma?” she sighs.

“I won’t disappoint you,” he says in a quiet voice.

“You’re physically incapable,” she says, before kissing him, meaning it. They aren’t in love, and anyway, Shizune is certain that love is a just bunch of neurochemicals bouncing off of each other, but they do fit well together. She feels him in the soles of her feet and the tips of her fingers, in the back of her throat and in the front of her brain. Shizune is pretty sure that this is what Anko means when she describes dick as ‘demonic.’ Shizune’s tongue slips into his mouth, for the kind of kiss that’s fun to have but gross to watch. She hopes her pussy is doing for him what his dick is doing for her.

 _A closed mouth doesn’t get fed_ , a saying that Asuma never took to heart because he prefers to keep his mouth shut, but he wonders if they would have done this sooner if he had just asked her. Shizune pulls away from him, before pressing her forehead into his, looking right into his eyes, like she wanted. Asuma has had sex before, but he doesn’t think he’s ever felt genuine lust before this moment, as he comes up from below, staring into her eyes, her hot breath in his face, her entire body around him. _I would drink your saliva, bathe in your sweat_ —it’s an intrusive thought that doesn’t disgust him, but Asuma knows it’s the kind of information he should keep to himself. She kisses his upper lip softly, which makes him want her more, even though he has her, technically (but it’s like she is eluding him, somehow).

“Let me have you,” he grunts, right into her mouth.

“I’m here,” she replies, “I’m right here.” Asuma moves up, up, and her orgasm lands right in her gut, and watching her face sends him over the edge. She’s soft and wet around him, and it’s very easy to come inside of her. She kisses his face, gently, and he sets her down, pressing his hands to her hips until she’s steady.

This is the first time that sex feels like a pinky promise, and it’s not entirely clear where they should go. But they’ve been in here a long time, they both know that they have to go find everyone else. When he looks at her, he realizes that the top of her dress has slid down, revealing her breasts, her little pink nipples. Shizune kisses him again. Asuma decides that he doesn’t care about their friends, so he presses her up against the wall, and she opens up easily for him.

**

Aoba and Anko have lined Tenzou, Yuugao, Kurenai and Genma up along a wall outside the warehouse. The music is thumping loudly, there are people smoking a few feet away. There is a couple fucking behind a car, and someone is arguing with the bouncer, a missing ninja from Kiri who they all pretended not to recognize in exchange for him leaving Kakashi alone. It helps that there are too many of them to make it worth it, and after serving in a war, none of them are particularly weak. He looks like a shark, and Aoba told Anko that he didn’t think it was possible for someone to look as creepy as Orochimaru. _Everyone’s got a talent_ , was her reply.

But that was then, and this is now, and as Aoba and Anko assess the damage, they’ve come to the conclusion that thinking the bouncer would be their biggest problem was a mistake. Genma’s arm is around Kurenai, and they are looking into each other’s eyes and giggling, Aoba clearing his throat when their faces get a little too close to each other for comfort. Beside them, Tenzou stands with his hand firmly clamped over Yuugao’s mouth, after she started talking to a creep about her nipple ring. It wasn’t flirting so much as oversharing misinterpreted as flirtation. She still wears his happuri, which sits on a tilt, looking ridiculous but she’s not even close to being the strangest looking person here (that prize still belongs to the bouncer).

Some creep tried to goad Kurenai and Yuugao into making out while Aoba and Anko were debating breaking into Raidou’s care, and had Yamato not clamped his hand over Yuugao’s mouth and Genma put himself between Kurenai and said creep, they definitely would have. The creep, who is clearly wealthy, is now across the parking lot, talking to some other gaggle of fucked up people.

“How did you four even get this fucked up?” Aoba says, scratching his head. He wonders if this is what it is like to have a genin team.

“You gave us the pills,” Kurenai says, shrugging with a big, dopey grin on her face.

“The green ones don’t do this,” Anko says, “and if they did, everyone would be fucked up, not just you four.”

“Green?” Tenzou says, “I’m pretty sure the pills were purple.” Aoba and Anko freeze and look at each other, before looking back at the group. Yuugao is licking the palm of Tenzou’s hand while he presses his nose into the side of her head, his eyes droopy. Genma’s arms are around Kurenai’s waist as she looks right into his eyes, as they pantomime heterosexual lust in a way that is disturbing, especially since Aoba and Anko know that they have no interest in each other.

“Did you all take purple pills?” Aoba asks. All four pause and look at him at the same time, nodding in unison.

“You gave them our pills?” Anko asks, looking up at him, eyes wide. They know exactly what’s happening, because these are the same pills that knock them both flat on their asses.

“Fuck,” Aoba rubs his face, “I’ve made a huge mistake.”

“They can’t go back in there like this,” Anko says, “can you imagine their crash?”

“Yes, I can Anko.” Aoba closes his eyes, pressing his fingers over them under his sunglasses. “I can vividly imagine how bad it could be.” Anko had cried all over him while he lay flat on his back, catatonic and unable to make any facial expressions. “We need to get them back home.” They can put them to bed, with big glasses of water beside him, maybe add a benzo in there to knock them into sleep, and while they’ll feel like shit in the morning, no one can accuse Aoba and Anko of being reckless or not doing their due diligence.

“How?” Anko says, “we’re high too.”

“But not as high,” Aoba points out, “we’re a functional kind of high.” He feels fairly confident that, with a teeny bump of cocaine, he’ll be alert enough to drive. It’s not ideal, but…well, he doesn’t want to go in there and explain his massive fuck up.

“How are we going to get home? We can’t just steal a car!” Anko says, “Raidou and Ibiki will fucking kill us if we take either of their cars and Hayate’s borrowing his dad’s truck, and he’s underage and doesn’t deserve this shit.” One could argue that no one deserves to have their car stolen, but Raidou and Ibiki are no fun, so it would actually be kind of funny, before the inevitable murder.

Aoba frowns, looking around. He spots the creep and rolls his eyes, and the man makes overtures at another drunk girl when he spots a keychain dangling from his pocket. He grins and turns to Anko.

“Who says anything about stealing?” he asks, before turning back to look at the creep. “Give me two seconds. Don’t let them go anywhere.” Anko opens her mouth to say something, but Aoba walks away and Genma and Kurenai start making out again, making Yuugao and Tenzou cackle so loud that they are bound to attract the wrong kind of attention, and by wrong, the attention of the very people Aoba and Anko are hoping to avoid: their friends.

**

Shizune pulls the straps of her dress back over her shoulders, as Asuma zips his fly. They smile awkwardly at each other. Neither of them has fucked a friend before, so they are both trying to be polite about the fact that neither of them wants anything more. Shizune tucks her hair behind her ears and nods at Asuma as he reaches for the door of the supply closet. She smiles as she walks through the door, and he follows her.

They don’t realize until it’s too late, that they have walked right into where their friends have gathered. Raidou, Hayate, Kakashi, Guy and Ibiki blink as Shizune and Asuma smile shyly at each other, before realizing that they are being watched.

“Hi,” Kakashi says, arms crossed. They all look from Shizune to Asuma, who are both feeling uncomfortable.

“What are you all looking at?” Shizune asks.

“Nothing,” Raidou says, everyone else nodding. “We were just trying to round everyone up to leave.”

“I’m more than ready,” Shizune says, and everyone avoids looking at Asuma to see how he feels to hear that.

“I think we all are,” Kakashi says, “have you seen the others?”

“I haven’t seen Aoba and Anko since they gave us those pills, and I thought I saw Kurenai and Genma, and Yuugao and Yamato dancing earlier,” Shizune says, “right Asuma?”

“Sounds right to me,” he replies. “Anko and Aoba are scrappy; they’ll be fine.”

“It’s not them I’m worried about,” Raidou huffs, pulling out his phone for the millionth time. Usually, Kurenai or Genma would have texted him to come get them by now. He feels bad for being such a dick earlier, and they, out of everyone, are his two favorites.

“Well, hopefully they are with Anko and Aoba,” Ibiki says, “those two will survive the apocalypse.”

“They are lower life forms,” Raidou shoots back, “they probably have gills or webbed toes.”

“You’re just jealous because Genma likes them better than you.” Kakashi scratches his jaw. Raidou opens his mouth to respond, when Shizune’s phone rings. She holds a finger up as she pulls it out of her pocket and hit the green call button.

“Hello?” she asks.

“Hey,” Aoba’s voice comes through. Shizune sighs.

“Aoba, where are you? Are Anko, Kurenai, Yamato, Yuugao and Genma with you? We’re all tired and worried and want to go home,” she says. They are all aware that Aoba chose to call Shizune because she, out of all of them, has demonstrated the most patience with his and Anko’s numerous hijinks over the years. Kakashi is pretty sure Aoba imprinted on her when she held his head in her arms while he was on a bad acid trip. _He is calling his mom, and no one ever calls their mom at 1 a.m. when something good has happened_. Kakashi sighs inwardly, preparing to be inconvenienced.

“Yeah, they are all with me,” Aoba says.

“Great, where are you?” Shizune says in a bright voice, having clearly forgotten who she is talking to.

“Well, you see, that’s the problem.” Aoba sighs on his end of the phone. “Before I tell you where we are, I just want you to keep in mind that we’ve all committed murder, assault, and espionage, not to mention substantial property damage.” Shizune’s jaw clenches.

“Why should I remember all the shitty things we do for work, Aoba?” Hayate takes a step back when the vein in Shizune’s forehead pops, while Ibiki sighs and wishes he had better, more considerate friends. If life is the sum of one’s choices, he has made many mistakes. _Why didn’t Aoba and Anko take me with them?_

“I’m just saying, in the grand scheme of things, what I am about to tell you is nothing.” Aoba is using a calm, slow voice, which is how she can tell that he is trying not to sound as high as he probably is.

“What, pray tell, is it that you’ve done that isn’t a big deal, _in the grand scheme of things?”_ Shizune asks.

“Well, I borrowed—”

“Stole.” Shizune sticks out her lower lip and rolls her eyes. Raidou’s left eye twitches, and Ibiki feels a headache come on.

“I _borrowed_ a car from some asshole who was creeping on Kurenai and Yuugao, because they all got way too high and Anko and I agreed we had to take care of them—”

“Wait, didn’t you give them the drugs?” Shizune knows, for a fact, that the pills they were all given earlier were ones they have all taken before. She did see him give an extra pill to Kurenai and Yuugao, but it shouldn’t have been so bad that Aoba and Anko needed to take them home.

“I gave them the wrong pills.” Aoba says. Shizune’s eyes go wide.

“What do you mean, wrong pills?”

“Wrong pills?” Raidou says, “what does that mean?” Shizune holds a finger up, so she can listen to Aoba’s answer.

“Look, Anko and I got these purple pills that really fuck us up, and I accidentally shared them with Kurenai and Yuugao, who split them with Genma and Yamato. Anyways, I’m calling because the car I borrowed is in a ditch, and we all need a ride home.” Aoba pauses. “Kurenai and Yuugao look pretty sad, and Yamato and Genma don’t look that much better.”

“You crashed a stolen car, which you drove while under the influence, endangering the lives of our friends, who you drugged up?” Shizune looks like she is going to kill someone, but she really has nothing on Raidou and Hayate, who have now realized that Kurenai and Yuugao are probably way too high to function. Raidou is grinding his teeth and Hayate checks his phone, for the billionth time.

“This was all an accident!” Aoba replies, “except for borrowing the car. I did that on purpose.”

“You stole the car,” Shizune says.

“A bimmer,” Aoba says.

“You crashed an expensive car?” Shizune shrieks. “Are our friends okay, at least?”

“Oh, yeah.” Aoba sounds hesitant. “Like, no one is hurt, and everyone is in one piece. Kurenai and Yuugao cried a bit.”

“Kurenai and Yuugao are crying?” Shizune is trying not to picture just how bad this could all be. Raidou and Hayate look like they want to crawl out of their skins. Asuma is worried, but the post-orgasm lull is still in effect.

“Cried. Past tense,” Aoba sighs, “I feel very persecuted, when you talk like this.”

“Aoba, you are the only one who does things like this!” Shizune says, “where the fuck are you?”

“Oh,” Aoba says, “well, here’s the thing. I did a bump of coke to, you know, stay alert and I took a few wrong turns and well…we’re lost.”

“You’re…lost?” Shizune asks. Even Guy looks a little irritated, while Raidou looks murderous. Kakashi sighs to himself, while Ibiki rubs his temples. Asuma, who still feels pretty good after the supply closet, is fine, more or less.

“Yeah.” Aoba sighs, “Yuugao and Yamato are too trashed to do their Anbu shit, and Kurenai and Genma aren’t that much better.”

“And Anko?” Shizune asks.

“Oh, she’s fine.” Aoba’s voice brightens, “we found pretzels in the car, and a bottle of champagne.”

“Are you and Anko getting drunk on the side of the road?” Shizune asks.

“I wouldn’t say drunk. Just a little buzz. Who knows how long we’ll be here?” Aoba says, completely clueless. Shizune sighs and passes the phone to Kakashi.

“I think we are going to need the dogs for this one,” she says in an apologetic voice. Kakashi takes the phone from her and speaks to Aoba, while everyone else but Asuma prepares for the worst. Asuma, for his part, doesn’t think anything too bad has happened.

He isn’t wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MESS. I hope you like it!


	3. Part III

“And we’re all growing up”

Mitski, “Townie”

For those curious, this is what happened:

Spinning a keyring around his index finger, Aoba signals Anko to come over to him. She waves at Kurenai, Genma, Yuugao and Tenzou to follow her, as Aoba clicks the fob, grinning when he hears a loud beep. It’s a sedan, so while someone is going to have to sit on top of someone else, it will work for them. Aoba gets into the driver’s seat and gets to the business of disabling any tracking systems, while Anko loads everyone into the car.

Kurenai ends up between Tenzou and Genma; Yuugao sits on Tenzou’s lap, her legs stretched across Kurenai and Genma. Aoba throws the car into reverse, before taking the long way to the parking lot exit. He stops the car and pulls out the little baggie of coke he has in his pocket, holding his hand out for Anko’s housekey. She wordlessly passes it to him, as everyone in the backseat watches him dip the key into the bag for a small bump, before lifting it to his nostril and snorting it. He taps the side of his nose, before shaking his head, passing the baggie and key back to Anko, who tucks them back into her pocket.

“Should you really be driving?” Genma asks.

“Should you have made out with Raidou’s girlfriend?” Aoba snaps back, putting his foot on the gas pedal.

“She’s not his girlfriend,” Genma says, “that’s why we made out, right?” Kurenai nods beside him, a sad look on her face. Yuugao’s eyes go wide, as she leans down to Kurenai.

“You’re not his girlfriend?” Yuugao asks, “but you’re so pretty!” Aoba laughs, anticipating Kurenai’s answer. Anko turns back to watch, making eye contact with Genma, who already looks over it.

“And I do so much for him!” Kurenai says, “I take care of him like a little baby—”

“It’s weird that you are comparing the guy you fuck to a baby,” Anko says, not even trying to be a dick. Kurenai, however, like a lot of high people, is lacking in the self-awareness department.

“I love him so much, and I treat him so well, and he spends all his time with me—”

“No clue why,” Genma huffs, remembering himself. Yuugao is listening intently to Kurenai, and Tenzou is dozing off.

“He does things like make me come three times!” Kurenai exclaims, “three times in one go!”

“Three times?” Yuugao asks, eyes like saucers, mouth small. Hayate hasn’t made her come once; she can’t imagine how it would feel to have three orgasms.

“Three times,” Anko hums, “Raidou spoils you.”

“He is so nice to me, but he doesn’t want to be my boyfriend,” Kurenai begins to trace a circle on Yuugao’s knee without thinking, looking down at the console. “I just want to love him forever.”

“Don’t worry,” Aoba says, “he will happily be your ball and chain.”

“I want him to be my boyfriend,” Kurenai says.

“I don’t see him fucking anyone else,” Aoba says, “and you’re such a mess, Raidou wouldn’t trust anyone else to take care of you.” Kurenai smiles a little at this.

“Do you really think so?” she asks.

“I know so,” Aoba says, “I bet he’s going to be extra nice when he gets home tonight.” If there is anything that can be counted on in this messed up world, it is Raidou’s capacity to love Kurenai, though neither are particularly nice people. He once told Aoba that, right now, all he wants to do is come home to Kurenai and take care of her, and that she makes all the bad, shitty things in life worth it. Raidou thinks labels are dumb, which is why he doesn’t use them, but Aoba has never doubted his devotion to Kurenai; no one ever has.

Kurenai smiles to herself, sitting back against the seat, thinking about how happy she will be to see Raidou again. Genma slumps against the window, while Yuugao slumps against Tenzou, still not over the fact that there is a kind of sex that involves multiple orgasms, while Tenzou closes his eyes. Anko plays with the radio, and they pass half an hour in silence. It’s dark, so Aoba is guessing where he’s going, more or less.

No one says anything for a while, and Aoba relaxes. Anko decides that now would be the perfect time to play a game, and, in hindsight, this is when all of their troubles really and truly started.

“What’s the wildest thing any of you have done?” Anko asks, looking into the backseat.

“Wildest?” Genma asks, “what does that mean?”

“Like, what stupid, idiotic thing have you done that was totally worth it?” Anko says, “I’ll go first: one time, I got really, really high and walked all along the city walls, right along the edge.”

“That sounds stupid and borderline suicidal,” Genma deadpans.

“Aoba was with me, holding my hand,” Anko says, “he wouldn’t have let me fall.”

“Nope, you would have pulled me down with you,” Aoba says.

“So, what wild things have you done?” Anko asks, looking into the backseat.

“Raidou and I had sex in public, once,” Kurenai says. Genma rolls his eyes.

“That’s no surprise,” he says.

“Where?” Yuugao asks, curious. She thinks that she ought to take some notes from Kurenai, who puckers her mouth, thinking.

“In a bar bathroom,” Kurenai says, “actually, that’s happened a few times.”

“Gross,” Aoba says. “Yuugao, what about you?”

It’s important to note that Aoba thought he’d get something involving violence and gore. He did not expect Yuugao to say, “I can show you,” and for her to pull her shirt up, to reveal her nipple piercing.

“Fuck, pull your shirt down!” Aoba says, feeling like a scumbag for even asking the question.

“You asked the question,” Genma says, which makes Anko giggle. Kurenai looks at the piercing, which is right by her face.

“Did it hurt?” she asks. Yuugao shrugs.

“It was fine,” she replies.

“You’re in Anbu, your definition of fine isn’t like ours,” Anko says.

“Can you please pull your shirt down?” Aoba asks, keeping his eyes on the road.

“No!” Yuugao says, a little defiant. Tenzo takes her shirt and yanks it back down, making Yuugao squeal in protest, which riles Kurenai up, and both women begin to rant about body autonomy, which makes Genma point out that he doesn’t think there is anything that radical about having an illegal piercing or having sex in bar bathrooms, which is when all hell really breaks loose, which is when Aoba turns around to tell them to shut the fuck up while he’s driving, much the way his father would, which means that he takes his eyes off the road.

They are all silent for a moment, until Anko smacks Aoba’s arm screaming about a deer, which is when Aoba swerves to the right, driving off the shoulder and right into a ditch eight feet below the road. Several things happen at once, when they all realize that they are going to crash. Tenzou grabs Yuugao around the waist, as Kurenai and Genma grab her legs, as Aoba puts his arm out in front of Anko.

No airbags go off, surprisingly, and they all sit there, stunned, before Aoba opens his mouth to speak. “Anyone hurt?” No one says anything, the crash having punched through the high and reasserting the reality principle.

“We’ve got to get out of here,” Anko says, opening the car door. Aoba groans loudly.

“We need to call for help,” he says, “I need to call Shizune.” He is not looking forward to the lecture.

**

When they all pull up, Aoba is standing on the side of the road, trying to get Tenzou to drink from a bottle of champagne. Tenzou is lying on the ground, his head in Yuugao’s lap, while beside her, Kurenai sits between Genma’s legs, his head on her shoulder as she holds his arms to her stomach. They are all wet from climbing out of the ditch, which turned out to be a creek, and the four of them are really, really tired of watching Aoba and Anko pretend to have control.

Yuugao is pushing the bottle away from Tenzou’s mouth when they hear salvation: Pakkun’s bark and Shizune’s voice.

“What the fuck do you think you are doing, Aoba?” she asks, slamming the door of Raidou’s car and walking towards them. All four of them remain silent, watching her. “Fuck, what did you do to them?”

“Everyone always assumes that Anko or I are the bad guy…” Aoba waves his arms, indignant at Shizune’s tone. Kurenai opens her mouth to answer Shizune’s question, but Raidou comes up from behind Shizune and kneels before her and Genma.

“Are you okay?” he asks, putting a hand on her cheek. Kurenai blinks once, twice, while Genma puts his chin on her shoulder. They both eye Raidou for a second, before Kurenai’s face scrunches up and Genma sighs. Kurenai starts crying, like, sobbing, clutching Raidou’s hand.

“No.” Genma thinks the answer is obvious, but he thinks it is worth restating. Raidou looks up at Aoba.

“What happened?” he asks in an angry voice. Aoba, who isn’t particularly intimidated by Raidou, rolls his eyes.

“They ran out of serotonin. Don’t worry, they’ll make more.” He waves a hand dismissively, as Hayate checks on Yuugao, who smiles to let him know that she’s okay. Kakashi walks to Tenzou and nudges him with his foot. Yuugao smacks Kakashi’s foot away and looks down at Tenzou’s face with concern.

“What is wrong with you?” Raidou asks, “how do you think any of this is okay?” He would wave his hands, but Kurenai is clutching onto both of them, sobbing, unable to tell him that she feels empty, so empty inside and that she hopes he’s not mad at her.

“Do I look like I’m having fun?” Aoba replies. Raidou narrows his eyes.

“Look at what you did to Kurenai and Genma!”

“What do you care? You’ve made it very clear that Kurenai isn’t your girlfriend and that Genma is just a guy you hang out with.” Raidou looks murderous, but he chooses to refocus his attention on Kurenai and Genma. Asuma and Ibiki walk up behind Guy, who is eager to be helpful. He kneels down and puts his hand on Genma’s shoulder and Genma takes one look at Guy’s kind, reassuring expression, and presses his own face into the back of Kurenai’s head, getting some of her hair into his mouth. He doesn’t need a pep talk; he needs to go home and get some fucking sleep.

Aoba watches Shizune fuss over Tenzou, while Hayate rubs Yuugao’s back. Raidou’s hand is on Kurenai’s forehead, while Guy is patting Genma on the back. Even Kakashi is there, kneeling beside Yuugao, his hand on Tenzou’s arm. Ibiki looks bored, and Asuma is staring at Shizune’s back. As far as Aoba can tell, no one is concerned about him or Anko, who is eating pretzels beside him.

“Why are none of you concerned about me or Anko? We were in a car accident too!” Aoba says.

“Because you two are cockroaches,” Ibiki says.

“That’s not true,” Aoba sputters, looking to see if anyone will defend them. Asuma shrugs, but no one else appears to have noticed the slight.

“I like cockroaches,” Anko says, “they predate humans by 300 million years, Aoba. I bet that they have all the wisdom of the universe inside of them. It’s a flattering comparison.” She offers Aoba some pretzels, but he shakes his head. She shrugs, watching him cross his arms.

Shizune turns to Aoba, looking up at him. “What did you give them?”

“High grade MDMA,” Aoba says, “the kind that fucks me and Anko up.”

“We made out the last time we took it,” Anko adds. Aoba shrugs, like, _what can you do_ , while everyone considers what it must be like to take a drug that fucks the likes of Aoba and Anko up.

“What did you give us?” Shizune asks, curious.

“Have you ever thought that it’s insane that you all just take the drugs we give you, and this is the first time anyone has asked us about the quality?” Aoba asks, still ticked off by the cockroach comment. Shizune rolls her eyes and turns back to Tenzou, who still looks a little green. Yuugao is leaning down, whispering right into his ear, cradling his head like he’s her little baby. Shizune watches her stroke his cheek, and she thinks about how she wishes that she had someone who would treat her that softly. Then she remembers how it felt to have Asuma’s hand on her face, and she sucks back all the saliva in her mouth. She was in the front seat of Raidou’s car when she realized that she never got her underwear back, and she said nothing the entire drive over, determined to sit still and not make a mess (because she would never, ever, ever live it down, even though Raidou wouldn’t hold it against her). She knows Asuma keeps looking at her, but she hasn’t decided how she would like to look back at him, so she keeps herself turned away.

Kakashi stands up, deciding that Tenzou is Yuugao’s problem, before walking over to Aoba, who is still pouting. “So, why did you steal the car?”

“Well,” Aoba says, “we needed to go home, and this creep was trying to get at Yuugao and Kurenai, and I saw his car keys and, well…” he shrugs to finish the story, before gesturing at the wrecked car. It’s definitely a write off.

“So, what are we going to do about the car?” Anko asks, placing a pretzel into Aoba’s mouth.

Everyone, with the exception of Tenzou, Yuugao, Kurenai and Genma, looks at Shizune. She turns around, realizing what, exactly, she is being put up to.

“Are you all serious?” she asks, “I am the only one trained in medicine!”

“But you’re also the best at seals,” Aoba says.

“Do any of you even have a scroll?” Shizune asks, “fuck, why do I end up having to clean up after all of you…” she stands up, even more annoyed when Kakashi produces a scroll and ink. She walks towards the ditch, cussing when she nearly falls over. It’s not fair, how life does this to her. A flat chest, emotionally crippled father, chronically depressed mother, a gambling addict for a teacher, reckless friends who appear to enjoy giving her work to do, not even a boyfriend… She makes an irritated shriek and stomps her foot, and no one says anything.

Asuma tilts his head, concerned. He can tell that she’s in a mood, and while he doesn’t think that it’s because of him, he nonetheless feels compelled to make it right. As he walks past Aoba and Anko, he wonders if this feeling is what compels Raidou to follow Kurenai around, or Aoba to let Anko hang off of him. As he walks down into the ravine, he sees Shizune’s pale back, and something in his throat locks up. She turns to look at him, annoyed.

“I’m going as fast as I can,” she says, turning away. Asuma frowns, stepping up to her.

“That’s not why I’m here,” he says, tucking his hands into his pockets.

“Then why are you here?” she asks quietly, looking right at him.

“Because I want to help you,” he says, “please.” Shizune sticks out her lower lip, and he notices her shoulders relax.

“Okay,” she says softly.

Aoba looks at Kakashi, pointing in Asuma and Shizune’s direction. “Are they…?” Kakashi nods.

“I’m pretty sure they did.” Aoba nods approvingly, clapping softly.

“Nice one,” he says. Kurenai isn’t that nice, and no one scores Anko, she scores you. Shizune is nice, smart, pretty and won’t ask you to swear a blood oath, or demand to fuck your soul. She is an objective catch. Aoba is genuinely impressed. Beside him, Anko says nothing, knowing she will get to ask Shizune later.

**

Kurenai is slumped against the window, and Genma leans against her, his head on her shoulder. It’s going to take a while to get to Konoha, and Genma’s snores make listening to music impossible. Asuma sits in the passenger seat, which he should have, all along, considering he’s the tallest. Shizune is in the backseat, looking in the rear-view mirror. Raidou flicks his eyes to the side and sees Asuma looking in the mirror too. _So obvious_.

Raidou and Asuma don’t see eye-to-eye, but it can’t hurt to nudge fate along.

“I think Kurenai and Genma are pretty much done for the night,” Raidou says, “Asuma, could you walk Shizune home?” It isn’t lost on him that Shizune smiles at Asuma in the mirror when he asks.

“Yes,” Asuma says, “I’ll make sure she gets home.” Raidou smiles to himself, because in terms of good deeds of the day, this is a pretty satisfying one.

**

On the drive home, Aoba and Anko don’t even have the good sense to act even a little ashamed or embarrassed. Guy, who is pretty sleepy, gets the front seat, while Ibiki drives. Kakashi is wedged between Anko and Aoba, who both wanted window seats. They aren’t even looking out the windows. Instead, they are talking to each other.

Guy, who is tired but in a good mood, yawns and looks into the backseat. “Any big plans when we get back?”

“I’m going to look at naked ladies on the internet,” Aoba hums. Kakashi and Ibiki sigh, deeply. Anko jostles Kakashi as she leans over to get Aoba’s attention.

“I’m sleeping over! Remember, dummy?” Anko slaps Aoba’s thigh.

“Well, scratch that then.” Aoba crosses his arms and frowns at her. “I don’t remember inviting you over for a sleepover.”

“I decided just now,” she says, “and I’ll look at naked ladies on the internet with you.” Kakashi, Ibiki and Guy all make eye contact in the rear-view mirror at the same time. _Is this real life?_

“Nope, you’re a boner killer,” Aoba replies, “your voice is like nails on a chalkboard.” Anko frowns and leans over Kakashi, who doesn’t appreciate the way she invades his personal space.

“I took your virginity, you know,” hissing because she gets annoyed when Aoba chooses to act like he hasn’t been inside her, even if it was adolescent fumbling. Aoba frowns at her.

“And did we have sex ever again, after that day?” he asks. Anko doesn’t say anything, but she does scowl and look back out her window. “I rest my case!” Aoba shouts, making Kakashi wince.

“I’m never hanging out with you two again,” Ibiki says.

“There’s no shame in knowing that two of our friends chose to explore their sexuality with each other,” Guy says, looking over at Anko. “I think Aoba is lucky to have such a kind, compassionate friend.”

“Hey,” Aoba says, “you’re making it sound like a pity fuck.” Guy blinks.

“I did not,” he says.

“You definitely did,” Kakashi says.

“I just meant that it’s nice that Aoba has Anko, because she is so patient and attentive to his needs. That’s not _pity_ , Kakashi.” Guy says this in a somber voice. He becomes hyperarticulate when he crashes. Aoba makes a face, not liking where this conversation is going.

“Anko being patient and compassionate enough to let Aoba put his dick in her is the definition of a pity fuck,” Ibiki says.

“I feel attacked,” Aoba says, “Anko, can you tell them that it wasn’t a pity fuck?” Leaning over Kakashi, Aoba pouts, and she can see his puppy dog eyes behind his sunglasses. Anko narrows her eyes.

“I thought that my voice is like nails on a chalkboard,” she says.

“Only when I’m trying to rub one out,” he says, “but I like your voice a lot.” Kakashi snorts.

“Aoba, you’re really not helping yourself out,” he says. “So Anko, was it out of pity?”

“The first time, no.” Anko says, before she grins. “But the second time, twenty minutes later?” Aoba frowns.

“That’s it, you’re not sleeping over.” He leans back in his seat and crosses his arms.

“Oh please,” she says, “you were an asshole first.”

“You are _wounding_ my pride,” Aoba replies, “I have some dignity.” Kakashi and Ibiki both do their best not to laugh out loud. Anko scowls, leaning over Kakashi.

“And you hurt my feelings!”

“What, do you want me to _want_ to hear your voice when I rub one out?” he asks, “I just want you to acknowledge that the two times we had sex weren’t out of pity for me.”

“I want you to not be such a dick and act like you’ve never been inside of me. That is what I would like, asshole.” Anko says. There is a moment of silence, where Aoba’s jaw hangs open and Anko looks back out the window, clearly enraged. “Of course, it wasn’t pity sex,” she turns back, leaning over Kakashi so that she and Aoba are nose-to-nose. “I did it because I was curious and I trust you the most, out of all the men I have ever met, and I love you, you asshole.” Anko _humphs_ and turns back to her window.

Everyone is silent. Ibiki chooses to repress this particular memory. Guy, somehow, fell asleep. Kakashi decides to be silent and pretend that he doesn’t exist. Aoba sighs, and decides to reach out first, touching Anko’s shoulder. She glares at him. “What?”

“I’m sorry,” he says, “when I made that comment about your voice, I didn’t think it would hurt your feelings. Your voice doesn’t annoy me at all! It’s probably my favorite.” He offers her a small smile, and Anko beams.

“Really?”

“Uh-huh.” Aoba pulls his hand back. “Is our sleepover still on?” Anko nods.

“I never called it off. I was just going to give you the cold shoulder.”

Kakashi blinks and wonders, how it is that Anko and Aoba have managed to have the healthiest relationship, out of everyone. _I want to sleep until I’m dead_. Maybe the answer will come to him in a dream.

**

Raidou doesn’t know what he expected, but certainly not this. He watched Kurenai and Genma hold hands back into the barracks, as he walked behind them. Kurenai insisted that they go to Genma’s room first, to ‘settle’ him. Raidou then watched her brush Genma’s teeth and then nearly choke him with the toothbrush. When Genma whined about it, Kurenai told him to get a stronger gag reflex, like her. _There’s no way Raidou’s dick is that big_ , Genma retorted. Kurenai told him to undress so she could tuck him in and leave. _I’m not a baby,_ he said. _You’re my big baby_ , she replied, pulling back his covers. She shoved Raidou off the bed to do so, and he grumbled while Genma took off his shirt and pants, before crawling into bed.

Raidou stood up and watched Kurenai tuck the blanket up around Genma’s chin, kissing him on the forehead before she took Raidou’s hand and walked them out of Genma’s room and into her own, which she had left unlocked. They’ve brushed their teeth and are undressed, lying on Kurenai’s bed.

“Don’t ever let me get this fucked up again,” she says, rolling onto her side to face him.

“Well, don’t run off on me again.” Raidou turns his head to look into her eyes.

“Raidou,” she says quietly, “I did something kind of bad.”

“Bad?” he asks. She nods.

“I made out with Genma, and I liked it.” Kurenai frowns when Raidou bursts into laughter. “What?”

“I just…you made out with Genma? And liked it?” Raidou snorts, “what the fuck were you two on?” Kurenai narrows her eyes.

“Well, if I knew, I probably wouldn’t have done it.” Kurenai pouts. Raidou smiles softly at her and presses his finger onto her lip. “Are you mad at me?” she asks quietly.

“No,” he says, “Genma is prettier than me.”

“He is also a good kisser.” She sits up on her elbow, and rubs his cheek, “but I like you too much.” Raidou smiles at her.

“I’m sorry for being such a dick earlier.” He isn’t going to unpack the whole boyfriend thing yet, but he does want to make it up to her. “Is there anything I can do that will make you feel better?” Kurenai pouts as she thinks.

“We could buy one of those sex dice, where you roll it, and it gives you a sex act to perform.” She smiles at him, while he sighs.

“Am I boring?” he asks. She shakes her head.

“It would just be for the novelty,” she says. Raidou smirks.

“The novelty,” he says, pronouncing ‘novelty’ like an asshole. Kurenai frowns but says nothing, deciding to curl up on her side and rest her head on his stomach. “Uh, what are you doing?”

“I want to listen to your guts while I fall asleep!” Kurenai presses her ear to his tummy to listen to the gurgle of his organs. Raidou sits up on his elbows and looks at the back of her head.

“You want to listen to my guts?”

“Uh-huh,” she says, yawning. Raidou sighs and lies back down.

“Okay,” he says, playing with a few strands of her hair. Kurenai sighs, and the weight of the day hits as they both fall asleep.

**

Tenzou lies passed out on the pullout in Yuugao’s parents’ living room. He is on his stomach, limbs sprawled out. Yuugao moves his arm over, giving her space to lie down beside him. She has taken off the happuri and put on the old sweatpants and tank top she sleeps in. Hayate is brushing his teeth, watching her lie down beside Tenzou.

“You sure you want to sleep out here?” Hayate asks. Yuugao nods.

“I told him that he wouldn’t wake up alone,” she says softly, stroking Tenzou’s cheek with the back of her finger. “We can’t let him feel alone over again, Hayate.”

“Okay,” he replies, before walking into the bathroom to spit out his toothpaste.

When he comes back to the living room, Yuugao is already fast asleep, her arm hanging off the bed. Hayate gently takes her arm and tucks it up against her, before walking over the sleeping bag he set up on the floor. He tucks himself in and is pleasantly surprised by how quickly the world goes black.

**

Anko is on her side of Aoba’s bed, which is actually his preferred side if it’s any other woman in bed next to him. She is lying down, her legs bent towards the ceiling. She watches Aoba as he walks into his room, with two glasses of water.

“You’re on my side of the bed,” he says, passing her a glass of water.

“It’s always been my side,” she says, “it’s been that way since forever.”

“Not true,” he replies, setting his glass down. “You just claimed that side for yourself.”

“It’s a dog-eat-dog world.” She sips her water, getting under the blankets while Aoba undresses. He took his sunglasses off when they got home. He throws his clothes into the hamper, and frowns when he sees hers on the ground.

“You are a mess,” he says, picking her clothes up and throwing them into his hamper. Anko has a drawer at his place, and he has one at hers. “You always come in here and mess everything up.” She shrugs as she burrows down into the bed, hogging most of the blankets.

Aoba sighs as he lumbers into bed, wearing nothing but his boxers.

“I don’t even get a fresh pair?” Anko asks. Aoba frowns at her.

“If it weren’t for me, all of your clothes here would be dirty.” He lies down on his stomach and presses his face into the pillow that ought to be hers. Anko puts her hand on the back of his head and rubs her hand through his hair.

“What if I pressed your face into your pillow and suffocated you to death?”

“Then there would be no one to take care of you,” he says, turning his head so he can look at her. Anko smiles at him.

“You’ve got me there.”

**

Asuma walks with Shizune, his hands tucked into his pockets, while she holds herself. It’s almost dawn, and they both feel spent. They are silent, because words feel unnecessary. When they finally get to her parents’ house, Shizune decides to speak first.

“I had a lot of fun,” she says, “thank you.” Her voice is genuinely warm, and it makes him smile.

“I can’t take all of the credit,” he says.

“You know, the sex was a one-time thing,” she says, “I’m back on the road in a week.” Asuma nods.

“It was good though, right?” he asks. Shizune tries very hard not to laugh, but she does grin.

“It was really good,” she says. They hold eye contact for a second, before Asuma digs into his pocket, and pulls out her underwear. He holds them out to her, bunched in his fist.

“It’d be weird if I kept them,” he says.

“Do you want to keep them?” she asks, smiling when he blushes.

“That’d make me a creep,” he says softly, finally stepping up to her and placing the panties in her hands. He holds her hands in his, and for a second, neither of them says anything. The sun will rise soon, and neither wants to be alone.

“Would you like to come inside?” she asks softly.

“Yeah,” he nods, “I would.”

Shizune unlocks the door, and he watches her step inside, before following her into the dark house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp, here is the anticlimactic conclusion. I hope you enjoyed it!

**Author's Note:**

> I'm going insane, lol. 
> 
> Anko and Aoba are quoting "Monster" by Kanye West, and Death and The Moon are the two cards that best sum up how life got rid of Asuma and Hayate.


End file.
